After the Final Curtain (the Sequel to Dauntless Dance)
by factionofagirl
Summary: This is the sequel to Dauntless Dance that will follow Tris and Tobias as they build a life together. Rewritten to be safe as T rating.
1. Beautiful Day

_**A/N: Hey initiates! In light of the success in my previous story called Dauntless Dance, I decided to write this as a sequel. It'll explore Tris' and Tobias' path towards going to and finishing college, getting engaged and married,, having kids, etc. with some twists and challenges thrown in of course. Enjoy!**_

Tris' POV

I run to the mailbox to check for the one piece of mail I have been awaiting eagerly. I applied to the University of Chicago a few months ago and bring the envelope inside. Tobias meets me near the front door.

"Is that what I think it is?" he asks in a deep voice and I hold up the envelope in excitement. Tobias recently graduated high school and I am set to graduate in a few months as well. He has been accepted to the University of Chicago in the Computer Science program as he realized that teaching dance isn't his real passion in life.

"Aren't you going to open it?"he questions me with an eyebrow raised. "Of course." I answer back with a smirk. My fingers fumble, trying to open it. I skim the words on the page before me. "I'm in!" I beam, bouncing on the balls or my feet before placing a kiss on his cheek.

I'm so excited to finish high school to devote my focus to the study of ballet. The University's program is one of the best Bachelor in Fine Arts programs with classes on technique, performance and preparation for professional ballet.

Three Months Later

Today is the day! We are driving to the University today to move into the dorm room we will share together. Our classes start next week so we have some time to settle in. I make sure to pack laundry soap, sandals, a first aid kit and other miscellaneous supplies I think we may need.

I've been living with Tobias practically since I returned home from treatment so his family owns the house and we will have it to return to during breaks from college. We finish loading the car and Tobias begins driving us.

It feels strange and a bit sad to be leaving home, where we both grew up but it's also exciting at the same time. I fall asleep during the drive and wake to Tobias telling me we are here. I grumble and help him carry things inside.

The dorm room is small with two twin beds, two dressers, two desks, a small TV, mini fridge and microwave. It seems odd to think that this is our new home but I hope it will feel more like it soon.

Watching the other students with their families dropping them off fills my body with an ache as I think about how my parents would have been. They should have been here. They should still be alive.

I sit on my bed alone as I think about how much I miss them, how much I would have wanted to change everything. My eyes cloud with tears as I think of how I may have helped cause their deaths and how my brother will never forgive me.

I look up as I feel a pair of strong arms wrap around me and notice that Tobias is sitting next to me. I lay my head on his lap as he runs his fingers through my hair. "Tell me what's wrong." he whispers.

"Seeing everyone else with their families today when I don't have my parents anymore. I feel like I killed them!" I sob, sending tears down my face as he wipes them away with his thumb.

"Tris, I'm so sorry for what happened to them but it was not your fault. I know how much you wish they were here but I know they would have wanted you to continue living your life and be happy." he replies softly.

"And someday, if you want, we can build our own family together." he adds with a small smile. "Please don't leave me." I plead, staring straight up at him. "I would never. I'll never let you go. You're stuck with me." he says which makes me laugh a bit.

"There's no one I would rather be stuck with." I chuckle before he pulls me back up into a sitting position and our lips meet in a long, deep kiss that leaves me feeling his warmth and wanting more.

In the morning, we visit a nearby coffee shop for breakfast and compare our schedules with each other. This semester, I'm taking Contemporary Dance I, Ballet Performance I and Dance History. Tobias is taking Computer Science I, Intro to Computer Programming and College Algebra.

I have classes on Tuesdays and Thursdays while he has classes on Mondays, Wednesdays and Fridays so it might be tough for us to find time with each other. Luckily, Will and Christina are here as well in an adjacent dorm and I can spend time with Christina as we will be taking classes together.

That night, we watch a movie together in our room and cuddle on the bed while we do so that my head is on his chest while he's laying on the bed. I listen to the sound of his heartbeat and fall asleep, feeling calm and peaceful.

I wake in the morning alone, feeling rested and ready to prepare for classes. We still have to get our books from the bookstore before the semester begins. We walk out with heavy armfuls of books to carry and I buy the required clothing I'll need for ballet class here.

As we head out of the bookstore and back to the dorms, I see a familiar face that makes my stomach churn. Grown but with a face that is easily recognizable, it's hard to not remember him as I turn white as a ghost when I see him.

Tobias notices and glares at him intently as we both recognize who it is. It's Peter.


	2. I Only Wanna Be With You

_**A/N: Hey readers, hope you all had a great weekend! Warning: This chapter contains some sexual content. It also has some foreshadowing for the events of the next chapter. Enjoy!**_

"What are you doing here?" I seethe in Peter's direction. "I could ask you the same question." he retorts. Tobias has to pull me away from Peter before I can hurt him. The rest of the week passes by quickly before I start my first class.

I sit on my bed as I begin studying for my dance history class when I notice the door open and Tobias sitting by me. It's a Tuesday night so we get to spend some time together before he returns to class tomorrow.

I lay my head on his shoulder, feeling tired and comforted by his warmth. "I missed you." he murmurs before placing a kiss on my cheek. "I want to take you somewhere." he whispers as I shut the book I was reading and feel his lips on mine.

I walk with him as we hold hands and relish the opportunity to be a young couple that's happy and in love. He leads me up a nearby trail in a park close to the university where he's spread out a picnic blanket and basket.

He hands me a fresh bouquet of flowers as I sit down on the blanket. We eat and watch the sunset together then lay next to each other and gaze at the stars. "This could not have been more perfect." I compliment as he says "Only for you. I love you."

"I love you too." I say softly. We pack everything up and go back to our room where I sleep peacefully. I wake happily the next morning, remembering what we did last night. I'm alone as he is in class so Christina and I grab breakfast together and study.

"Gosh, this is so much reading!" she complains after a few hours. Luckily, it doesn't take us too much longer after that and we go to the coffee shop on campus. "Coffee!" she yells. "They must know how much we need it." she jokes and I laugh.

"So how are you and Four doing?" she quips. "Fine. We went on a date law night." I answer with a small smirk on my face. "What? Tell me all the details." she exclaims. She asks questions as I tell her about our picnic and everything last night before commenting "Wow, I never knew Four was such a softie!"

She loves shopping so after we finish our coffee, we go to the local mall. I end up with new clothes, makeup and perfume before we head back to school. I say goodbye to her before going back to our room.

Tobias is already there when I return and gives me a quick peck on the cheek. It turns heated fast as we are enveloped in each other's embrace and locked in a kiss. When he pulls back, we are both panting as he says "I'm afraid if we keep going, I won't be able to stop."

"Then don't. Don't stop." I plead before reaching under his shirt and pulling it over his head. He presses me to the wall and I wrap my arms around his neck as he removes my shirt and bra. I kiss his neck, working my way down to his chest.

I unbutton his pants as he goes to work on mine until we are standing in our underwear only. He cups my breasts and begins to suck on my nipple, causing me to moan with pleasure.

Our foreheads press together after as I remove his boxers and he grabs a condom from the nearby dresser. He fingers then fumble over the hem of my panties until we are both bare. I stroke his length, feeling how big and hard he grows while his fingers find their way to my core. I am wet and breathing heavily as his eyes lock onto mine and I nod.

"I want you. I want you." I beg, breathing deeply as he presses me to the bed and situates himself on top of me between my legs. "Are you ready?" he asks and I nod before saying "Tae me. Please just fuck me." as he moves inside me.

It hurts a little at first but I am soon moaning his name in pleasure just as moans mine. I spend the night laying my head against his bare chest, wrapped tightly in his arms. My alarm clock blares in the morning, waking me up in time for my class.

I can't free myself from his grip so I have to wake Tobias up by saying "Tobas, wake up! I have to get up for class now." "Mmm, no. Five more minutes." he groans into the pillow before releasing me.

I get dressed, eat and head to class as I leave a still sleeping Tobias alone, shutting the door quietly. Today I have my ballet performance class in which we discuss the details of our first performance of Anna Karenina.

I'm ecstatic to be given the lead role of Anna as I read the script and begin practicing for my part. The choreography is complex and will require lots of practice I'm sure. We have a little over a month to learn and perfect everything.

Christina has the role of Kitty which is still pretty significant in the production. After a couple of hours we are dismissed and expected to learn the script and our parts. I return to the dorm to find Tobias reading one of his textbooks intently so I sit next to him reading the script.

In all my years of dance, I never expected what was to come. I never expected that the thing I have loved all of these years would bring so much pain and devastation to my life. I never expected that something like that would happen to me, no matter how careful I tried to be to avoid anything bad happening.

But it did. It happened to me and I did not see it coming at all when it happened the way that it did. My life would never be the same after that day


	3. Human

_**A/N: This chapter deals with some physical injuries that I have tried my best to make realistic but they are also somewhat dramatized for the story. Enjoy!**_

Tris' POV

The day started like any other as I got ready for the day and headed to my performance class. It was our final rehearsal so Tobias was able to leave his class a little early to come watch. I was nervous which was unusual as I did not ever really feel this way before a performance but I felt a nagging sense of dread that would not go away.

I took my place and nailed each move perfectly. I started to jump through a grand jete when something went terribly wrong. As I landed from the jump, my left leg curled under me and I heard a pop come out from near my knee cap.

My knees begin to buckle and I fall backward onto the floor when I gasp loudly, clutching my knee. The bones surrounding my knee protrude and I can't unbend my knee from the position it's in.

Tobias' POV

I watch as Tris beautifully executes her choreography until upon landing from a high jump, she falls to the floor and her knees buckle out from under her. I rush to her side and carry her in my arms to the car as my shirt becomes wet with tears.

I notice that her jaw is clenched and her hand wrapped tightly around her knee. I hold her free hand in mine as we drive to the hospital. "Just try to breathe. I'm here, we'll get through this together. I promise." I say softly.

I place her gently on a stretcher when we arrive and she grabs my hand, pleading with me "Please don't leave me." I plant a kiss on her forehead before saying "Never" quietly. I hold her hand as they start an IV and give her something for the pain.

Her face instantly relaxes and I let out a small sigh of relief. I don't show it as I don't want to frighten her but I am afraid of what might be wrong, what her injuries may be. I know that her leg doesn't quite look the way it should and the way in which she can't unbend it.

About half an hour later, a doctor enters the room and begins examining Tris. He tells us that her knee has been dislocated and she has likely torn several ligaments in her knee. He also says that he will need to try to pop the bone back into place.

It will probably be very painful even with the medication she's been given. I hate seeing her in pain. I steady myself as he begins the procedure, feeling her tightly squeeze my hand. She clenches her jaw and screams through her teeth. After about five times, he's finished and we both sigh in relief.

The doctor later explains that he will need to do some testing to be able to assess her injuries so they wheel her away for an x-ray and MRI. I hold her hand as they wheel her away, never wanting to let go.

I find myself suddenly alone as my mind races about what may be wrong. I knew it's not helpful but I can't help it. Tris is hurt and we don't know how much yet. I hate that she's hurt and I can't do anything about it. I feel helpless as I just want to fix it but I know that I can't.

I sit alone with my head in my hands, feeling as though the minutes are passing by like hours. I see Tris return to the room and tell her to try to rest, covering her with a blanket and kissing her forehead before turning off the light.

My eyes feel heavy as well and I sleep with my head resting against the wall. When I open my eyes, I find Tris awake and talking to the doctor. "How long will it be until I can dance again?" she asks in a small voice, holding back tears as I resist the urge to grab her and hold her in my arms.

"Probably at least a year but you will not be able to dance the same way as you have most likely. I'm sorry, my dear." the doctor replies before leaving us alone. Tears begin to roll down her face and I wipe them away.

"I'm scheduled for surgery next week. They're waiting a week to let the swelling go down." she cries and I wrap my arms around her as she sobs into my shirt. "I'll be there, for all of it. I promise." I mumble.

The nurse brings Tris' discharge papers and we leave the hospital for now. She has crutches to use to help her get around but I can tell she hates them through her grunts of frustration. We return to the dorm and she sits on the bed facing me.

"What are we going to do now, Tobias?" she whispers and my heart breaks as she continues with "I'm not going to be a dancer anymore, all because of one wrong misstep." I feel as though something in my chest has deflated and I struggle to find the right words to say.

I know that nothing that I say right now will fix this. There's nothing I can do or say that will. All I can do right now is be there for her with whatever she needs. The room has fallen into a dead silence with what feels like a huge space between us.

"Do you want to be alone for now?" I ask and watch her nod. I need to go and clear my head for now so I grab my iPod and ear buds and go for a run. Running has always helped me clear my head. I stop to catch my breath and everything comes back to me.

Nothing seems to be the way we planned it. One question sticks in my head which I can't find an answer to. What are we going to do now?


	4. I'll Be There

One Week Later

Tris' POV

It's been a week since I managed to dislocate my knee and injure myself and today is my surgery. I've never had surgery and I have not been in the hospital much before either which increases the anxiety I feel. It's what they call fear of the unknown, I guess.

I've been granted medical leave from school for the semester but after that, I'll have to find something else to study. I can be undecided for awhile as I work my way through the general credits and I can still attend classes at the University.

"Ready?" Tobias asks as I dangle my legs over the bed and stand with the help of crutches he places in front of me. I hate them, feeling weak and tired from the extra effort it takes to walk now.

What I miss the most though is being able to dance, the feeling of flight during a grand jete or the grace of an arabesque. It's the things I can no longer do now and watching others do them that hurts the most. It's nothing in comparison to the physical pain I feel.

The drive ends quickly as Tobias parks the car near the hospital. "Come on." Tobias says, supporting me as we enter the hospital and the waiting area for surgery. A nurse finds us and directs me to change into a hospital gown while Tobias is outside.

I manage to make it to the gurney by myself as Tobias reenters the room. We're both silent, unsure of what to say or how to comfort the other. Eventually, our silence is broken as I am prepped for surgery.

Tobias follows alongside me, holding my hand until we're forced to break apart. I hold his hand tightly, never wanting to let go as he kisses my forehead and whispers "I'l be here when you wake up. I'm not going anywhere. I love you which causes tears to fill my eyes as I'm wheeled into the operating room alone.

I notice how cold it feels and the smell of disinfectant that floods the room. The lights above me are bright which I notice as I am lifted from the gurney to the operating room. My thoughts race and my palms sweat from being here.

Soon, a mask is placed over my mouth and some sort of anesthetic is added to my IV. It produces a disconcerting feeling as the room appears to spin around me but then I feel relaxed and tired. My eyelids feel heavy and I feel my eyes flutter and close.

Tobias' POV

I have just left Tris for her surgery and begin the long wait to see her again. The past week has been tough especially with Tris no longer able to dance. It's been gut wrenching to see her lose so much and not have any ability to control or fix it for her.

I head to the vending machines and grab myself some food. I'm not hungry but I know that I will need to keep my strength up so I can be there for her as much as possible. I need some way to pass the time. I decide to work on some homework to help distract myself and give my mind something to do.

A couple of hours later, a nurse brings to Tris who is just opening her eyes when I enter. She still looks drowsy and confused as she asks "What happened to my leg?" then touching her fingers over the brace with "Ow!"

My mouth breaks into a small grin, having never seen her like this before. "Toby, you're so hot. Why won't you kiss me?" she laughs and I smack myself in the forehead. This is going to be fun.

I kiss her forehead as I tell her "I appreciate the invitation but you're not yourself right now so I'm not going to kiss you." which makes her pout. A little while later, she starts talking to her mom who isn't there obviously and they have to adjust her meds.

"Mom!" she yells repeatedly and I understand how much she wants her to be here for real. "Toby, where's my mom? Why isn't she here?" she sobs like a small child until the drugs wear off some.

The doctor releases us later on to go home as Tris is still a little drugged up but she's not hallucinating anymore at least. I help her into the car where she falls asleep almost instantly on the way home. She looks younger and calmer in her sleep.

I park near the dorm so we don't have to walk much but she doesn't wake up and looks peaceful in sleep. I carry her gently inside bridal style and place her on the bed, covering her with a blanket.

I sigh, exhausted from what the day has brung. With nothing else to do and Tris sound asleep, I head to the grocery store which is about five minutes away. I grab canned soup and other foods for Tris and I for the next few days and fill her prescriptions.

The doctor has ordered her to stay on bedrest for the next two weeks to allow her body to heal. I know she's not going to like that and it will be tough to get her to do so. That's one of the things I've always loved about her is the stubbornness and inability to let anything hold her back.

I love her so much, I would switch places with her if I could in a heartbeat. I'll be there for her no matter what, despite what our future may be. I return home to check on and kiss her forehead as she sleeps before I get to bed myself.


	5. Life is Beautiful

_**A/N: Hey readers! Sorry for the long wait, I've been super busy with school but this week is my fall break so I'm hoping to be able to write/update more. There's a bit of a fight mixed with fluff in this chapter. In all of my fics, I try to show that life is never perfect and keep things as realistic as possible. This chapter also also kind of deals with something I've experienced in finding a new dream and career path. It wasn't ballet but I can kind of relate to what Tris is going through, PM if you want more details. Got an opinion of what Tris' next career path should be? I've mentioned some of the options I am thinking of for her in this chapter but I am open to feedback. PM or review with what you'd like to see. Enjoy!**_

One Week Later

Tris' POV

It's been a week since my surgery which has mostly involved icing my leg and knee, sleeping, and boredom. I've stated trying to think of what I am going to be now that I can't dance anymore. I'm tired of people feeling sorry for me though or treating me like an imbecile lately, I don't need it.

I've had a lot of time to think with not much else to do. Tobias shows a certain unease lately and I can feel the tension between us grow. Neither of us how really talked to each other about what happened and neither of us can find the right words to talk about it either.

"Tobias, you know you can talk to me, right? I might be injured right now but I'm not broken and I want to know what's on through that head of yours." I blurt out when he enters the room later on but he shakes his head. "No, you really don't!" he shouts and I plead with him to tell me.

"I just don't know how you could let this happen or become this!." he shouts in return while gesturing towards me. "Yeah, I totally meant for this to happen don't you know? End my ballet career early, need surgery, get an eating disorder. I mean all of that just sounds like so much fun, right?!" I seethe before he stomps off and slams the door when tears begin to roll down my cheeks.

I know this has been hard for him too and I know neither of us are perfect but I just want him to understand how much I have lost recently. Dance was my life until it wasn't anymore and if I can't be a ballerina, then I don't know what I want to be anymore.

I know that I can't wallow around forever, that I will have to make another choice at some point but that all feels too overwhelming right now. I rock back and forth on my good leg while sitting up in bed and let the tears flow.

I've lost everything now- dance, my family, my boyfriend- and I don't know what to do about any of it. I wish I could go back to the way things were not long ago but I know that's futile. I'm lost in thought when I see the doorknob turn and see Tobias walk in.

"If you're here to yell at me again, save it." I warn as he shakes his head and brushes away my tears. "I'm sorry." he whispers white moving a stray hair away from my face. "I didn't mean and I know you've been through so much, it's not fair to blame you for it. To be honest, I've been mad at myself and feeling like I should have been able to shield you from it. Like it's party my fault."

"You shouldn't blame yourself though, it's not healthy for either of us to. All we can do right now is try to help each other through it, right?" I answer back and he nods.

I move over a bit so he can lie beside me as I flip through the university's catalog. The sheer number of options available is insane to think about but comforting at the same time as even if I can't dance, I have multiple options to explore.

Tobias places his chin close to the top of my head as we flip through it. He's quiet, occasionally commenting or joking. I narrow my options down to teaching, nursing, social work, or counseling. It's confusing for me to try to figure out what else I want to do with my life and I quickly become exhausted and frustrated.

"You don't have to figure it all out right now, you know?" he says, kissing my forehead. We decide to stay there with me laying my head onto his chest and feeling his strong arms wrap around me.

I listen to his heartbeat and feel myself relax as my eyes grow heavy and I fall asleep. When I reopen my eyes, I see streaks of light pour in from the window behind me. "Good morning, sleeping beauty. Are you hungry?" he asks, placing a tray of food on my bed.

I nod my head and dig into the delicious food placed before me. "Thank you! This is so sweet of your." I beam. "How long was I out?" I ask curiously before blushing slightly. "You fell asleep on me yesterday afternoon and it's ten o'clock in the morning now." he answers, kissing my cheek.

I try to apologize but he says it's not necessary, it's the weekend after all. After I finish eating, we decide to go on a walk since I'm feeling better and am sick of being cooped us in our room. I still use my crutches and try not to put much weight on my injured leg but it's nice to enjoy the outdoors.

The sun is shining, the air crisp with beautiful fall colors that have emerged. We stop and sit in the grass under a bright red maple tree. I help Tobias with some of his math homework and we get through it quickly together.

Afterwards, we stop at the campus coffee shop and drink hot apple cider together. "I missed this." I whisper. "What, cider?" he smirks. "Well, yes but no. I mean you. Us. Together doing simple things like walking and drinking cider together." I laugh.

It's true, I have missed this. Him. Life. Us. Everything. For the first time in awhile, I feel something good. Hope for what our future may be.

Maybe we can have a future, maybe I'll find something else to love. Maybe we will get through this together okay. Maybe I can find a way to begin again, maybe I'm something besides a dancer.

Maybe. Just maybe...


	6. Begin Again

_**A/N: Hey initiates, hope you're having a great weekend. I decided to have Tris pursue nursing especially as it is helpful for some ideas I have about the story later on. This is chapter is dedicated to premature, seriously, and/or chronically ill children and their families along with the number of medical staff and volunteers that support them. Enjoy!**_

I decided to go into nursing as I always enjoyed helping my mother when we would help the poor and homeless when they were sick. I hope I would make her proud. I've been cleared to resume normal activities as long as they aren't high impact like sports or dance.

I have always loved kids so I applied and was accepted to volunteer at a local children's hospital and today is my first day there. I'll be spending time with children on the inpatient units whose parents need a break or whose parents can't be there in the pediatric general and special care nursery which is the neonatal intensive care step-down units as well as other areas of the hospital as needed.

I'm shadowing another volunteer today named Danielle while I learn the ropes. She's a pretty brunette about my age who is friendly and happy to show me around. Our first piece of business is to check the board in the volunteer office for rooms that need volunteers.

We spend time with a cute five year old named Luke, admitted for tonsil surgery, until his parents return from lunch. After about an hour of training, Danielle leaves me to work the rest of my shift so I end up in the special care nursery where I spend some holding and rocking a fussy little girl named Sarah.

She's tiny and I can fit her entire arm in my hand, she cries despite me holding her in a swaddle and holding her while we rock in a rocking chair so I decide to sing softly to her. I sing hush little baby and within a few minutes, she relaxes and falls asleep soundly in my arms.

I'm relieved and take a few minutes to look around her room, the board above her bed says she was born at 28 weeks which I calculate as being 7 months and weighed two pounds. She's now four pounds though tiny, of course.

Sarah's nurse, Jessica, returns and I whisper to let her know Sarah is asleep. Jessica and I talked earlier before she left for lunch and she seems impressed. "You're a natural, Tris. Maybe you should think of becoming a NICU nurse, we've had quite a hard time getting her calm yet alone to sleep." she compliments.

"Why is that?" I ask quietly. "She was born with neonatal abstinence syndrome. Her mom was on drugs which caused Sarah here to be born early and addicted to drugs, she's been restless as she's basically going through withdrawal." she whispers and I am in disbelief a I can't imagine putting your child through that.

Jessica leaves to care for another patient but I don't dare move Sarah for fear of waking her. Instead, I think of her mother and what might have caused her to be pregnant and addicted to drugs. I try not to judge her but I can see how hard not doing so might be in some situations like this.

I spend the rest of my shift with Sarah and Jessica gently places her back in the crib as I leave. I head back home feeling fulfilled and disgusted at the same time. I always thought that my own parents were awful for not recognizing I needed help yet I never experienced anything like Sarah has already in her short life.

I head home and sleep for a few hours. When I wake, Tobias is back home and he's been looking my way for awhile. "Were you watching me sleep? That's a little creepy if so." I grin. "No, it's not. We're together and I like watching you sleep." he answer back.

"Stalker." I mutter under my breath. "What was that?" he asks with a smirk. "'Stalker!" I yell while throwing a pillow at him. "Takes one to know one." he says before throwing a pillow back at me. It turns into an all out war with each of us throwing pillows at each other for ages.

We finally surrender and decide to grab pizza together for dinner holding hands we walk to the restaurant together. "It nice to have you back." he tells me ass we sit and wait for our pizza. "Back?" I question and he smiles. I am coming back, I'm coming back again

"Back. More like yourself, you know. Happy. Laughing." he answers and I nod. While we wait, I tell him briefly about the hospital and the baby I held without mentioning names of course. "That's terrible about what happened to her though parents never did cease to amaze me when I was an instructor." he admits

The pizza arrives shortly after and I laugh as Tobias shovels a huge piece of pizza in his mouth. "Slow down there man, I'm not trained in the CPR yet!" I tease while grabbing myself a piece. "Sorry I'm hungry and waited for you to get up to eat." he says though it's muffled by the massive bite he's chewing.

A year ago, I would not have felt comfortable even eating in a restaurant let alone pizza. I am getting back to myself, I realize, in a healthy way. Tobias wasn't kidding about being hungry after eating nearly half the pizza and I have three pieces myself.

We box up the rest of it and head home. We decide to watch a movie and cuddle together as he sits behind me while I lay my head on his arms wrap around me with his chin sitting on the top of my head.

It's a quiet night for us but one in which we enjoy each other's company. Eventually, we both fall asleep in each other's arms as I listen to the steady beat of his heart and feel his warmth before my eyes flutter shut.

 _ **A/N: Hope you enjoyed this chapter, some of the volunteer experience Tris will be based off some of my own. I volunteered for 3 years at a children's hospital before stopping due to my own medical issues but it was an incredible experience. Going forward, would you like to read more about Tris volunteering, her studies in nursing, or both?**_


	7. Broken

_**A/N: Hey guys! A huge thank you to Charms22 for faithfully reviewing every chapter of this fic so far. You asked me to write more about the kids and I'm happy to do so. Children's hospitals are such unique places and I have a lot of experience to draw from. I was fortunate to be able to volunteer in almost every area of the hospital where I was also a patient in my teens and early 20s including all the inpatient floors (general medical/surgical, pediatric hematology/oncology, the pediatric intensive care unit (PICU), special care nursery/level II NICU, and day surgery), sibling play area (a unique setting in which parents could bring the siblings of patients to spend time for about an hour and a half), the hospital's in-house TV set which would broadcast unique interactive experiences for patients like bingo, and the hospital welcome desk which sometimes meant getting to deliver balloons and other goodies to patients' rooms. Some of my favorite things to do there were delivering balloons and such, day surgery as it meant reuniting parents and kids after surgery which was one of the best things to witness and it was quick, on-your-feet type work, helping with the TV shows, and the inpatient unit though I loved practically all of it. I will use some of my experiences though fictionalized for Tris' experience. This chapter has some fluff and smut along with the lyrics to Broken by Seether later in the chapter. Enjoy!**_

I sign in at the hospital volunteer office and see Sarah is still here and needs a volunteer. I check in with Jessica who says Sarah is doing much better and she is almost ready to go home to her foster parents. As I hold Sarah and gently rock her, I wonder what kind of life she'll have when she leaves here.

I manage to get her to sleep when two people who I assume are her foster parents enter the room. They introduce themselves as Abby and Matthew who seem excited to bring her home soon. Abby carefully takes Sarah from me with Jessica's guidance and I leave the room to let them visit her.

I have a pager from the volunteer office as I'm a "float" volunteer and help wherever I'm needed now. My pager buzzes, alerting me that help is needed in the day surgery area. I make my way to the desk and answer the phone which tells me that a patient named Aleena is out of surgery.

I locate her parents thanks to the map the volunteer before me drew them on. I find a young man and woman I address as Mr. and Mrs. Benson. I move toward them slowly and in a quiet voice tell them "Hi Mr. and Mrs. Benson, my name is Beatrice. Aleena is out of surgery and I can take you to see her if you'd like."

They are both silent but nod and follow me. As we're walking down to meet her, Mr. Benson, who insists that I call him Charles, tells me that Aleena is here for treatment for leukemia and just had her central line needed for chemotherapy placed.

I'm slightly taken a aback by what he tells me and don't know what to say so I nod and keep leading them to her. The moment they see each other again though is nothing short of magical. They look happy and relieved to see her, I watch in awe until I have to go back to the desk.

I wish I knew how moments like these can seem so majestic, of how even in the worst of circumstances parents can put everything aside and get caught up in the moment of reuniting with their children. How is it possible? I don't know but maybe if I did, these moments wouldn't seem so special to me.

I finish my shift feeling satisfied, fulfilled, and exhausted. Day surgery is one of my favorite areas to work with its fast pace and reunification of families but it does get exhausting towards the end. Still, there's nothing like it and that is what makes it special.

There's something that feels almost instinctual and natural about bringing parents to their children after they're been separated. I can only hope to experience the same thing when I have kids, that form of unique magic.

I return home without incident and decide to text Christina as we haven't hung out much lately. We decide to meet outside of the dorm at a table set up outside. She smiles and runs excitedly to me, enveloping me in a tight hug.

She releases me and asks "How have you been?". "Good, I decided to go into nursing and I'm volunteering at a children's hospital now." I answer back though her face falls a bit when I do. "A children's hospital, isn't that kind of sad?" she questions me.

I shake my head. "No, it's actually a really amazing place and the kids are so strong and resilient. They really just want to be kids more than anything." I beam before telling her about day surgery and everything else.

"That sounds awesome and I'm really happy for you. It sounds like you've found something else you enjoy. I know it was hard for you when you were injured." she replies and I gulp, remembering that day.

"I'm sorry, I shouldn't have brought it up." she apologizes and I charge the subject as she tells me about what happened to the ballet after I had to quit and her classes with the technique. It's hard to hear about other people enjoying what I can't now.

I want to be supportive so I listen as much as I can before she has to leave for class. I feel tears fill my eyelids and decide to go inside and shower. I'm alone so under the stream of water, I sob until my eyes burn and tears no longer come.

By the time I'm done, my eyes are red and puffy from crying. I head back to our room but before I open the door, I feel a pair of strong arms wrap around me. _I wanted you to know that I love the way you laugh, I wanna hold you high and steal your pain away._

He opens the door and we enter as he closes the door. "What's wrong?" he asks and I shake my head before pressing my face to his chest and sobbing again. He runs his fingers through my hair and wipes away my tears with his thumb. _I keep your photograph and I know it serves me well, I wanna hold you high and steal your pain._

When I feel myself calm down a bit, I tell him what happened. _'Cause I'm broken when I'm lonesome, And I don't feel right when you're gone away. You've gone away, you don't feel me here anymore"_

Tris, it's okay to cry and miss dance. It's one of the things you loved to and it takes time to heal both emotionally and mentally as well as physically." he tells me before his lips crash into mine. It's a long slow kiss full of love and passion, the kind of kiss that leaves you panting and wanting more. The worst is over now and we can breathe again, I wanna hold you high, you steal my pain away.

Our foreheads press together as we stare deeply into each other's eyes, silent and panting. _There's so much left to learn, and no one left to fight, I wanna hold you high and steal your pain._

"I feel so weak. I'm not that strong, I'm not brave. I'm not anything you want." I say as my lip trembled and a stray tear falls down my cheek. _Cause I'm broken when I'm open, And I don't feel like I am strong enough._

"You are to me. You're a fighter, you've won against your eating disorder twice. You're beautiful and smart and selfless. You make me happy with just the way you are, you don't have to be anything except Tris for me to love you." he replies before I find my lips on his again. _'Cause I'm broken when I'm lonesome, And I don't feel right when you're gone away._

Before I realize it, our kisses become longer and hungrier as we remove each other's clothing and explore our bodies together. It isn't long until we are screaming out each other's names and moaning in pleasure. I fall asleep afterward in his warm, strong embrace.

 _ **A/N: I hope you all enjoyed this chapter! Would you like to continue with Tris' volunteer experience or an unexpected pregnancy? Please let me know in the reviews. :)**_


	8. Tell Me Something I Don't Know

_**A/N: Hey readers! Hope you've been enjoy this fic so far, I certainly have. As with my last fic, I'll be adding a Did You Know? fact or statistic about topics like teen pregnancy,, birth defects, childhood illnesses, long-term health consequences from eating disorders, etc. from this chapter on. Enjoy!**_

* * *

 _ **Did You Know?**_

The American Pregnancy Association defines a teenage pregnancy as any pregnancy that occurs before the age of 20.

* * *

Tris' POV

It's been a couple of weeks since my period was supposed to start and I'm nervous. I haven't told anyone yet and I don't know what to think. I'm barely 18 and I don't know how having a baby would work with what I want to study let alone Tobias.

Relax, I tell myself but it doesn't work. Tobias is gone as he has class right now and I'm alone. I need to find out, I need to know despite what I'm going through in my mind. I drive to the nearest pharmacy and buy some tests then find a bathroom to take them in.

My fingers shake and fumble as I open the boxes then wait for the results. Five minutes can seem like a lifetime when you're waiting to know such an important result. I take a deep breath as I check what the tests say. Positive.

It sets off a plethora of thoughts. How will I tell Tobias? What will people think of me, how will I finish school? Could I even do this with how much weight I'll gain from being pregnant? It feels all too much at once and I sob, not being able to control the thoughts in my head.

Eventually, I rise and stuff the tests in my pocket and drive home. As I'm driving, I try to think of how I'm going to tell Tobias and everyone else but I can't think right now. All I can do is focus on driving and getting home, my mind focused on this singular task.

I hesitate to get out of the car, knowing Tobias will be home already, but I do anyway. I walk slowly to our room and knock on the door softly. He stands in front of me with a look of concern on his face. "Are you alright, Tris? Where have you been?" he asks.

I try to open my mouth to speak and answer him but I can't, tears fill my eyes instead and I find myself unable to speak still. My heart begins racing and I can't breathe, I can't breathe and the floor seems to move beneath me.

A feeling of warmth washes over me as my legs give out as I feel myself begin to fall and a pair of strong arms catches me before everything goes black.

When I open my eyes, I feel a pair of arms holding me and the sway of arms carrying me to the car. Tobias. A pang of guilt fills my chest as I realize I haven't told him yet. "Tobias." I whisper but he shushes me and tells me to rest, whatever it is can wait until later he says but I'm in no position to argue right now.

I let my head fall back as he carries me to the backseat and lays me down gently on it as he drives. We arrive a few minutes later at the hospital as he tells them what happened and they begin running tests on me.

He helps me change into a gown as I tell him to look in the pocket of my jeans. His eyes immediately widen and he's silent for a moment. "Is that what I think it is?" he asks and I nod, tears dampening my cheeks.

He brushes my tears away and kisses my cheek before speaking yet again. "Tris, I know we're both young but I love you and I want nothing more than to start a family with you if that's what you want to do."

I smile, relieved to know he isn't mad or upset with me. The doctor tells us that my labs and everything look fine as well as show I am definitely pregnant. They think the stress I experienced from today and not having eaten yet probably caused me to faint so we can go as long as I take it easy and eat something.

Tobias carries me to the car and to my bed where I'm ordered to lay down. He returns with a bowl of soup and kisses my hair. I eat hungrily and he makes me a second bowl. I down some Gatorade and settle in comfortably on my bed.

"What are we going to do?" I blurt out as it's been the question on my mind all day. "What do you mean?" he answers in return. "I mean, we can't raise a baby in a dorm." I laugh. I decide to research my options for school and find an online Licensed Practical Nurse (LPN) program that can be taken mostly online albeit some clinicals.

Tobias' degree can be done entirely online so once the semester ends, we can move back "home" and still hopefully complete our degrees. I decide to go ahead and apply for the online program which I can start once the current semester ends.

I only have one more person to tell and that is Christina. I have to tell her I'm pregnant and that I will be leaving her soon. I decide to wait until tomorrow as it's getting late and I am tired from what the day has brung.

I lay and watch TV until my eyes grow heavy and I feel the pull of sleep. I rest peacefully until the churning in my stomach begins early in the morning. A wave of nausea comes over me and I race to the bathroom.

I make it just in time as I retch and empty the contents of my stomach as I feel my hair pulled back. I collapse exhausted in his arms as my eyes water. This could be a very long nine months I think to myself.

I make it back to our room okay and decide to text Christina to meet me later. At three o'clock, we meet outside on a bench near the dorm as I contemplate how I'm going to tell her. She looks at me curiously and seems to know something is up before I even say anything.

I stutter as a result "I'm, I…" and she shouts "Just say what it is already!". "I'm pregnant." is the last thing I manage to say as her mouth falls open.


	9. Praying

_**A/N: Hi! This chapter is a little sadder than the others but I felt it was necessary to show that working or volunteering in a children's hospital isn't always rainbows and butterflies, all of the kids in this chapter are based on real ones I experienced when I volunteered. The song lyrics italicized at the end are from Fix You by Coldplay. Enjoy!**_

* * *

 _ **Did You Know?**_

One in five children diagnosed with cancer in the U.S. will not survive. More than 99% of childhood cancer survivors will have a chronic health problem from the treatments they received to treat the cancer and 96% will have severe or life-threatening conditions.

* * *

Tris' POV

When she seems to return to normal, we continue talking and I tell her that I am indeed pregnant. The next part isn't so easy though. "That means after this semester, I'm leaving campus to live with Four and we are both going to finish school online." I finish with a choke.

I don't want to leave here especially without my best friend but I have to. She holds me in a tight embrace and we are both crying, having never really been apart before. We promise to text and Skype each other as much as possible yet knowing it won't be the same.

The next day I make my way to the hospital to volunteer and am disheartened by the news I find out. Katlin, one of the oncology patients I've seen in and out of the hospital for awhile now, is dying from her leukemia. She and her family are here to try to get her pain under control before she enters hospice care.

It's heartbreaking to think about and I find myself angry at God, the universe, everything for causing this little girl to die. Aleeah and Anna, who also have leukemia, have gotten better and gone into remission meaning they are cancer-free but not Kaitlin.

There is nothing more they can do for her and it takes every bit of strength I have when I see her not to breakdown but I won't. Her parents have already been through enough heartache that I won't add to it.

I realize that I can never go into pediatric oncology as a nurse for this very reason. It's terrible to watch a once healthy child become seriously and possibly even terminally ill in the short period of months or even weeks. How do you tell a child they're dying or do you even?

I don't know, I don't know, I don't know and I hope to never find out. I decide to visit another long-term patient named Noah. I'm not sure why he's here but he has been since he was born. He has Down Syndrome and is connected to a ventilator but otherwise seems okay.

He was born premature but his parents never visit even though they live nearby. To her credit, she explains that maybe they work a lot or have other children care for. It's tough to see babies like him but easier in a way because they were never really considered healthy.

They haven't had experience of life yet to know the difference, they've never had birthdays, gone to school, or experienced any of the other events of childhood. As I hold Noah, my mind goes back to Kaitlin and I hate comparing them.

Kaitlin is nine years old and doesn't seem to be even close to the age at which one should be dying from cancer. Not that anyone should be but I can't imagine the anguish her parents must be going through. She is their only child and soon, she'll be gone much too soon.

At the same time, it doesn't seem fair trial children like Noah will live an almost certain lifetime and the parents aren't here for them. The world is unfair, I know that much but I do wonder why it must be unfair more so for certain people.

I've never been one of those people who thought everything happens for a reason especially now. How does cancer happen to children who have done nothing wrong? How do children live Noah end up the way they are without parents there to support them?

I know that the kids are here for a reason but it doesn't make it any easier to see them become so sick. For now, I focus on holding Noah and talking to him. He has an intense dark color to his eyes that seem to stare into your soul.

I wonder what he would say to me if he could talk, his eyes look as though he's deep in thought. Seeing the kids here has me wonder what mine will be like. I call his nurse when my shift ends and say a silent prayer for Kaitlin and her family.

I hope that when she leaves the world, it will be painless. I hope her parents are able to find peace. I hate that there isn't anything I can do to comfort them. No gestures or words I can think of can begin to ease what they are feeling.

Death is terrible for anyone but even more so for children. They are too young and innocent but it still happens. I try to think of Kaitlin no longer having to go through the pain and suffering that she has which helps a little but I mostly feel empty and defeated. _When you try your best, but you don't succeed. When you get what you want, but not what you need._

Is that how her parents feel? Can you ever get over the experience of losing a child or does the grief always threaten to swallow you whole? I leave without finding any real answers and suppose there never really are any. _When you feel so tired, but you can't sleep. Stuck in reverse._

On the drive home, the emotions I've been trying to hide hit me. I sob for them, I sob for the unfairness of life, I sob for the children who will never have the opportunity to grow up. _And the tears come streaming down your face, When you lose something you can't replace._

I sob so hard that even once I've stopped, it takes me a few minutes to catch my breath afterwards. _When you love someone, but it goes to waste. Could it be worse?_ I return back to the dorm where I find Tobias and walk into his warm embrace and sob again.

He runs a hand over my hair but I'm crying too much to speak. _Lights will guide you home_  
 _And ignite your bones, And I will try to fix you._

I realize later that it's the last time I'll see Kaitlin and her parents. I'm not strong or close enough to them to attend her eventual funeral nor would I want to. I tell them goodbye in my mind and collapse on my bed, exhausted from crying.


	10. Monster

_**A?N: Hey readers! Hope you're having a great week, I felt the current story was getting a little boring so I decided to add a twist to it. You'll find out more in the end. Enjoy!**_

I rise the next morning as my body protests as a result of the exhaustion I feel. I'm exhausted despite sleeping soundly last night and late this morning. It's Wednesday which means Tobias has already left for class but I roll over to find a note from him.

 _Tris-_

 _I know you've been through a lot in the last few days so I didn't want to wake you. I love you and hope you have a great day. I won't be home until late tonight as we have a group project and I need to work on it. Please remember to eat and take care of yourself._

 _-Tobias_

I smile at his note, admiring the imperfect handwriting that was no doubt written for me. I manage to rise and get dressed before heading to the cafeteria. I eat quickly then find I've nothing to do so I decide to wander around campus.

The air is growing colder as I can see my breath. I miss having someone to talk to as everyone else is at class right now and I am not. Eventually, I settle on visiting the library and check out several books about nursing and baby names mostly.

It's early to begin thinking about names but I suppose it should give me something to do in the meantime. I wonder what my parents and brother would think if they knew I had a boyfriend and was pregnant right now. Would they be angry? Would they be supportive? Both?

The thought of being a parent is both exciting and scary obviously. I think of Kaitlin's parents and wonder how they are able to deal with losing a child. I can't imagine going through something like that and hope I never have to find out.

I shift my focus back to the stack of books in front of me. I decide to read some of a copy of on what to expect in pregnancy, then move to a baby names book, and then one on being a NICU nurse.

There's so much to learn about the infants that I quickly shut the book for now. It's overwhelming and I'm beginning to see why parents might feel the same way. There's so much to know about weight, life expectancy, infections, and more that I never considered before.

I've made a list of names I want to discuss later with Tobias. For a girl, I like the names Claire, Olivia, Ava, Ella, Amelia, Rose, and Charlotte. For a boy, I like the names Ben, Aiden, Ethan, Liam, Finn, and Wyatt. I also like the names Alex and Riley which could work for either gender.

I make a mental note to buy and begin taking prenatal vitamins soon. I take the time to look up OB/GYNs and make an appointment to see one next week. I'm tired by this point so I stuff the books into my backpack and head back to the dorm.

It's a bit of a walk back with the crisp, cool air outside. I decide to see if Christina and Will are home yet and knock on the door. No one answers but I feel a hand clamp over my mouth, expecting it to be Christina or Tobias as I chuckle to myself.

When I look up though, it's not anyone I expect to see. His eyes are tense and he appears angry as I try to bite his hand and wiggle myself free. He quickly overpowers me though and everything goes black.

As I open my eyes, I try to take in my surroundings but the room is dark. There's a metal fold up chair behind me but otherwise, the room is completely bare. I notice my hands are tied behind my back and sore like they have been for a long time.

My head feels fuzzy as I try to piece together what happened and how I got here. I remember going to Christina's and having someone fight me until I passed out but the rest is difficult to remember.

I start to panic, breathing quickly. I can't risk passing out again so I try to take in my surroundings as much as possible to give my mind something to do. The walls are a rustic red brick with a small window in front of me. It looks dark out, suggesting it's either early morning or late at night.

Basement? Could I be in a basement? It seems possible especially as the floor beneath me is concrete. I wonder how long I've been gone and if anyone has noticed I am yet. Will Tobias think I have suddenly up and left him?

I hope not, I hope not. I wonder about who took me although I don't know as my mind seems to have wiped out this detail. I must have been drugged, it's the only explanation I can think of for why everything feels so confusing.

Before I passed out, I remember my attacker plunging a needle into my arm, injecting me with something but I don't know what exactly. I still have all of the same clothes on as far as I can tell so it wasn't rape-related but he obviously took me for some reason.

But I still don't know why I'm here or why I was taken, it's a mystery my mind is trying to solve. If I could just remember his face, maybe I would know but I can't. I can't remember much of anything.

My mind is still pondering all of this but I can't make anything coherent out of it. As I'm still thinking, I notice that a door handle I hadn't noticed begins to turn. I want to pretend to be unconscious again but it's too late as I watch the handle turn, indicating that whoever is behind the door will soon be present.

At first, when I notice the male figure enter the room, I think it is Tobias. My heart jumps at hoping he is rescuing me when I realize he isn't. The same dark hair, same piercing blue eyes that glare at me. It isn't Tobias but Tobias' father, Marcus. What does he want with me?


	11. Need You Now

_**A/N: Hey readers! This is a sad chapter again but I promise it'll get better from here. Enjoy!**_

Tobias' POV

I walk back to the dorm late tonight after meeting with some classmates for a group project. I wonder how Tris' day has been able can't wait to see her. Nothing in my life has given me the same amount of joy as being with her.

As I make my way down the hall, I think about watching a movie together maybe. My heart drops when I reach out room and see the door is slightly ajar, something Tris would never do. Or usually never do anyway.

I set my backpack down then lock the door to the room and head to Christina's. I knock on the door lightly as she opens the door. "Hey Four, what's going on?" she asks as my heart beats fast, loud enough that I can hear it in my ears.

"Have you seen Tris? I had to stay late to work on a project and thought she might be here. She left our door open though which I thought was odd." I tremble. "That's not the only thing that seems odd, she left me this note. Come in and I'll show it to you." I nod and follow her inside, unable to do much else.

Christina holds a crumbled piece of paper with a note written in pencil on it. _Chris- I need to get away from here for a bit. Don't worry about me and please let Tobias know. -Tris_ We both know that it isn't Tris' handwriting, but there's something very familiar about it to me.

"Where could she have gone? She can't just go missing like this! Do you think someone took her?!" Christina yells. "I do." I answer in a low voice as my eyes widen. "Can I see that note again?" I ask, wanting to confirm my suspicions.

My stomach churns after realizing who it is: Marcus. My father. "I know who took her and where she is." I mutter. "Who? Where?" she asks as I rush out. "My father's." is all I reply before instructing her to call me police and the address they should meet me at.

As I get into the car and begin driving, my thoughts move to Tris and what my father could possibly want with her. Revenge is the only answer I can fathom. Getting to her, hurting her is just another way to hurt me.

I thought he would leave my life forever after I left him, but I guess not. I only hope I'm not too late, that the damage isn't too severe yet. The drive seems to take forever even though it's only about 20 minutes.

I reach the house as the cops exit their cars as well. My father flashes a menacing grin as I reach the front steps. "Son, you've finally come to visit." he bellows as he tries to hold me in his arms, but I quickly beat him off.

"I'm not here for you, only her." I seethe. I force him against the wall as I ask "Where is she?" He laughs and answers "Tat scrawny little whore. Oh, I took care of her." I release him and run down to the basement where I suspect she's being hidden.

Tris POV'

I wake groggily on the cement floor after receiving a beating from Marcus before I blacked out. He punched my face, kicked my belly, and slammed my head onto the floor multiple times until I finally fell unconscious. I hear voices fainting arguing with each other that sound like Marcus and Tobias.

Tobias! Is he really here? "Tobias!" I yell through a strangled cry. "Tris, is that you?" I hear him ask as I continue calling his name until a sharp pain in my stomach stops me. No, no. Please be okay, please be okay I think to myself.

My hand comes back bloody from around my stomach as the pain increases. Tobias kicks down the door and rushes to my side as he yells for a police officer behind him. "Tobias." I say as tears fill my eyes from the pain. "It hurts."

His arms envelope me and carry me upstairs bridal style as my back and stomach hurt. He places me gently on a stretcher and I am wheeled into an ambulance. He holds my hand as he rides alongside me.

"Tris, I am so sorry this happened to you. I knew my father was cruel, but I never thought he would do this." he soothes. My breath quickens suddenly as a feeling of dizziness comes over me and Tobias begs me to stay with him.

"She's going into shock!" one of the paramedics yells as they drive faster. My head and chest begin hurting and I find it increasingly difficult to stay awake. It is the only thought I have as I try to keep myself alert as I become further disoriented.

"We're here!" someone shouts as they open the doors and wheel me away. I'm taken straight to the trauma room where a young, female doctor greets me. She orders an immediate ultrasound of my belly.

"Tris, you're bleeding internally and you have an ectopic pregnancy so we need to get you into surgery right now." she tells us as Tobias squeezes my hand. He kisses my forehead quickly before they whisk me away.

I'm scared of what this could mean, scared that it could be the last time I see him. I'm sad to lose the baby I only knew for a few weeks. I'm scared as I see the operating lights under me, not knowing what the outcome may be.

I don't want to leave him, I'm not ready to. It's the last thought I have before I drift off from the anesthesia.


	12. Tired of Waiting for You

_**A/N: Hey initiates, hope you're having a fabulous weekend. This chapter has some surprises in it and updates on Tris' medical status though I am not a medical professional and have researched as much as possible. Chicago Med fans will find a familiar name here though I do name the chapters Grey's Anatomy style after song titles. I have included some lyrics from "Broken" by Lifehouse in Italics here but I don't own them or Divergent. Enjoy!**_

Tobias' POV

I find myself alone in the waiting room while Tris is taken into surgery. My father has been arrested but I can't hide the anger I feel towards him. I knew my father wasn't a good man, that's why I tried to distance myself from him but I never thought he would sink this low.

I find myself pacing, unable to stay still. There are too many thoughts racing through my mind. I am stunned when an unexpected visitor enters the room, however. Slightly older and taller but still easily recognizable with a face filled with rage: it's Caleb.

"Caleb, what are you doing here?" I ask slightly taken aback. "I'm not here for you, I'm here for her." he answers coldly without looking me in the eye. "Why? You haven't in two years while I have been." I sneer.

"I know, I haven't been able to forgive her for killing our parents! You know, after she…" he trails off after I connect my fist with his jaw. "Don't you dare talk about her like that! You have no idea what she's been through. She doesn't need to have you add to it." I yell back.

"I sorry, Four. I came because I wanted to make sure she's alright. I'm still listed as an emergency contact for her and they called to let me know. If you want me to go, I will but please ask her to call me when she gets out of the hospital if she wants."

I nod and he sees himself out. After Caleb leaves, I find myself sitting and staring at the clock watching the minutes pass painstakingly slow. Christina and Will rush over to me a short time later and I welcome the distraction even if it is Christina asking me a million questions that I don't have an answer to yet.

Finally, all the hurt and anger I've been holding back hit me all at once and I have to excuse myself to the bathroom to release them alone. Why did this have to happen? Why couldn't it have been me instead? What if that's the last time I see her?

 _I'm falling apart, I'm barely breathing._ I find myself breathing heavily as the tears threaten to spill from my eyes. I can't think this way, I have to try to be strong for her. _With a broken heart, That's still beating._

She's going to need me, she's going to need me now more than ever. I rejoin the others as we wait for news. The waiting is stressful as we still don't know if she's okay yet or not. She would have to be by now, right? or at least that's what I tell myself.

After what seems like several hours but is only about two, the doctor who introduces herself as Dr. Manning appears before us. "Sorry for the wait, are you Tobias?" she asks and I stand and nod.

She hesitates before continuing "The surgery took a little longer than usual as Tris was bleeding profusely and the fallopian tube where the pregnancy had taken place burst and we had to remove it." she pauses, glancing at me to ensure I understand.

"She can still get pregnant in the future, but it may be slightly harder for her to. She's out of surgery and is awake and asking for you. She is in ICU so one of you may visit at a time." she tells us and Christina and Will tell me it's okay to go and they will visit tomorrow.

I follow Dr. Manning up to Tris' room, finding it difficult to believe my eyes. She still looks pale and fragile but a little better from when I last saw her. "Hey" I whisper, kissing her forehead while she gives me a slight smile in return.

"Hi." she answers back, "I wasn't ready to leave you, I love you." she trembles softly. "I'm so glad you're okay. I feel awful about what my father did to you and I love you and always want to help keep you safe I knew he wasn't a kind man from what he did to me." I mutter before she reaches a finger to my lips to shush me.

"It wasn't your fault and you did your best to help keep me safe. You rescued me, remember? Did they tell you that I might have trouble getting pregnant now from what they had to do?" she asks as a stray tear rolls down her cheek and I nod.

"I love you, no matter what. I don't care about the rest." I answer before kissing her cheek. "What did your father do to hurt you?"she asks me quietly. "You caught that earlier, did you?" I tease before telling her "Maybe we should just focus on you and getting you better for right now." which doesn't satisfy her.

I sigh as I recount the years of beatings and bruises I covered up, the days-long punishments locked in closets, and my mother's death when I was young. She is the first person I have ever told about this and the only person I feel safe talking to about it. We are both exhausted from the past day or so and I find a cot to sleep on for the night.

We both fall into a peaceful sleep in each other's presence until later that night. I wake to go to the bathroom when I notice that Tris is thrashing in her sleep. She's sweating and whimpering in her sleep as well before she starts shouting.

Cries of "No, no! NO!" fill the room as I stand helplessly trying to wake her up. "Tris." I whisper at first but it doesn't work so I continue saying it louder until her eyes begin to flutter open. "Tris, you were having a nightmare and yelling in your sleep. Do you want to talk about it?" I ask and she shakes her head no.

I excuse myself to go to the bathroom and return to Tris still wake. "Please, lay next to me and hold me tonight? You won't hurt me." she pleads and I carefully slide onto the bed beside her, holding her close to me as we both drift off to sleep.


	13. It's Alright, It's OK

_**A/N: Hey Readers, hope you all have had a great weekend. This and the next chapter deal with some legal stuff but I am not an expert so I am going based on what I know. It also shows a flashback episode for Tris and ways in which someone going through one can be helped. Enjoy!**_

 _ **Did You Know?**_

 _During a flashback, a person may feel and act like the traumatic event(s) is/are happening right then. 20% of people exposed to traumatic events will develop Posttraumatic Stress Disorder (PTSD)._

Tris' POV

Five Days Later

I'm being released from the hospital today and Tobias and I are going to head to the house his family owns as we intended before. Marcus is still in jail. Tobias and I have both had to give our statements of what happened when I was abducted.

Tomorrow is his trial and we have both been subpoenaed to testify. The prosecutor is going to meet with us later on what to expect for tomorrow. I'm nervous, I don't know if I'll be able to face him though I imagine it will be even harder for Tobias to face him.

We have also been psychologically evaluated by the hospital and found to be competent enough to stand trial, but that doesn't make it any easier obviously. I gather my things and change into some real clothes as Tobias wraps his arm around me and we leave.

The ride in the car is silent until Tobias finally says something. "Tris, are you okay? You've been awfully quiet." he tells me and I come out of the deep thought I've been in. "I don't know how I'm going to get through tomorrow. I'm scared." I admit.

I don't explain to him exactly what I'm afraid of because there is too much that I am. I'm scared of having a mental breakdown when I see him. I'm scared of remembering everything. I'm scared that it won't be enough and he will be free with the option to still hurt us.

"I know it's scary and I'd be lying if I said I wasn't too, but we're in this together. I will always love you and want to help keep you safe." he replies as we reach the house and pull into the driveway.

He opens the door for me and leads me inside. My stomach churns as I notice a belt by the front door and I gasp then start hyperventilating. Tobias picks up the bell off the floor and I panic. His eyes morph into the coldness of his father's and I find myself seeing him and not Tobias.

I sit on the floor and hold my knees while I rock back and forth. "It's not real. It's not real! It's not real!" as images of Marcus beating me flood my mind. I scream as my whole body shakes and I cry. I also don't feel like I am safe even though I know I am.

I see a figure move closer to me but I yell for them to go away. My back and my stomach ache as I hyperventilate, laying on the floor and trying to shield my body. "Tris! Tris! It's me. You're having a flashback, it's not real. You're safe, I'm not going to hurt you." I hear a voice say.

I look up to find Tobias as I feel terrified, pathetic, and helpless as I tremble "Help me. Please?" "Of course." he answers "Breathe with me, okay? Deep breathe in, hold it. Let's count together as we do. One, two, three, four. Breathe out." we do this for a few minutes until I am calm again.

"Thank you for everything, I know it isn't always easy to be with me. I'm such a mess, I feel like I'm going crazy!" I admit as he responds by saying "Tris, I'm not always easy either but we help each other. You and me, it's what we do." before I pull him into a deep, passionate kiss where everything around me fades for a moment.

We're interrupted by a knock at the door and the prosecuting attorney enters. She introduces herself as Rebecca Davis and we all move to the dining room to sit and discuss tomorrow. "Hello Tobias and Tris, is it?" she greets and thanks us for meeting with her.

"So I understand you have both been called to testify tomorrow. I'm here to help prepare you as best I can. I'll start by asking simple questions first like your name and where you live before going into more complex ones about what you experienced." she says flatly.

Next, we each have to tell what happened and luckily, Tobias volunteers to go first. "I came back to our dorm late that night as we had a group project and I found our room door open. I thought Tris might be at her friend Christina's so I went to look for her there and she wasn't there either." he tells her before sighing.

"It's okay, take your time." Rebecca encourages. "I saw a note left at Christina's in handwriting that wasn't Tris'.I recognized it as my father's so I rushed to find her. I had Christina call the police and found Tris. She'd been beaten and was bleeding pretty heavily. They rushed her to the hospital and she almost died from a ruptured ectopic pregnancy."

"I see, did Tris often stay alone by herself?" Rebecca asks, noting that it's a possible question the defense might ask. He answers carefully "Sometimes, but she is usually either with me or Christina." They discuss how to answer how he found me and chose to go in at first without the police.

Then, it's my turn and I feel a sort of heaviness on my shoulders. I tell her my story and the way I believe I was drugged. When I get to the part about Marcus beating me, I choke up but manage to continue. "I woke up in the basement with both of my hands tied behind my back and no idea where I was. Then Marcus came down and started hitting me with his bell and kicking my stomach."

I pause before I continue "He didn't like that I was dating his son and said he would hurt me to further hurt him. He called me a little whore and said he had to do what he did. After that, I blacked out as I was dizzy and incoherent. I heard Tobias' voice and started yelling for him, he carried me upstairs and into the ambulance."

Rebecca softens and tells me how sorry I am this happened. She tells us to prepare for the defenses cross-examination which will likely be brutal. I have to do this though, it's the only way I'll ever get justice and let Marcus pay for what he's done.


	14. Brave

_**A/N: Hey readers, hope you're enjoying this fic as much as I am. Again, I am not a legal expert so I do not know how accurate this and the previous chapter are. You'll also find some lines I borrowed from Divergent and Insurgent, but I don't own anything from the Divergent series. Enjoy!**_

 ** _Did You Know?_**

Some of the main causes of Posttraumatic Stress Disorder (PTSD) can include being the victim of a car accident, violent crime (rape, assault, robbery, etc.), abuse and/or neglect, being held hostage, military combat, experiencing a natural disaster, or other life-threatening event experienced either personally or in a close loved one though any event that is highly distressing and threatening to one's life and/or safety that are unexpected, uncontrollable by the victim, especially in the context of feelings of helplessness, terror, and fear.

Tris' POV

Tobias and I spend the rest of the evening cuddled up while we watch a movie. I lay on the couch with my head in his lap as he strokes my hair. The events of the day have left me exhausted and I feel my eyes close and fall asleep until I'm startled awake.

Sometime during the night, I find myself back in the basement with Marcus as he begins beating and kicking me. I cry out, I scream, I beg him to stop but it doesn't help. I start bleeding profusely and feel myself slipping, dying alone. I wake in a cold swear on a bed next to a concerned looking Tobias.

"Tris, are you alright?" he whispers. I shake my head as tears form in my eyes and he brushes them away before kissing my forehead. "Do you want to talk about it?" he asks and I gulp. "I had a nightmare, the same one again which is Marcus killing me." I say as he stays silent.

"I'm so sorry but you know, I'm not gonna let that happen. I won't let it." he quips and I nod. "I know. It's just I don't know when I'm going to feel normal, I don't know how much more of this that I can take." I cry. I don't want to have to keep seeing Marcus every night, I want to move on.

"I know and I will always be here for you, no matter what. I love you." he murmurs, kissing my cheek. "Will you hold me tonight? I always feel safer in your arms." I whimper. "Of course. Sleep. I'll fight off the bad dreams if they come to get you." he replies.

"How?" I laugh. "With my bare hands, obviously." he grins and I believe him. When we wake in the morning, streaks of sunlight pour in. "Good morning, Tris. How did you sleep?" he murmurs to me. "Great, thanks to you." I tease.

"I'll go get breakfast ready and let you shower first." he tells me as he kisses the top of my head. He hurries out and I walk toward the shower, eager to have one since I came home from the hospital. I undress quickly and frown at the large scar that crosses my stomach.

Like the memories, it will fade with time but it'll always be there. I hate the way it looks and the way it feels. It's thick and jagged. I put it aside for now and step into the warm shower and change into the clothes I wore yesterday to avoid getting my outfit for court dirty.

I make my way to the kitchen where a plate of blueberry pancakes, eggs, and bacon has been set out for me along with a glass of orange juice. "Thank you for making breakfast, this looks delicious!" I beam.

"I have to go get ready now, I'll see you in a bit." he says, giving my lips a quick peak before leaving..I devour everything hungrily then go back to the bedroom to change. I wear a long midnight blue sweater dress and white flats with my hair in a bun. I put on some simple makeup.

Tobias joins me a few minutes later in a striped gray vest, white button down shirt, and black pants. "Oh my! I'm afraid I might get arrested from seeing you look this good." he teases. "You better be careful there, mister." I respond and he takes my hand and asks "Ready?" as I nod.

I'm not ready. I don't think I will ever fully be, but I'm as ready as I guess I'll ever be. The closer we get to the courthouse, the more I become nervous but I know I have to do this. I have to. We reach the courtroom walking hand in hand as the trial begins.

"The honorable judge Clark presiding. This is case number DIA64102 Marcus Eaton vs. the Commonwealth of Illinois." the bailiff announces then asks us all to rise. Tobias and I sit together on a bench near the front as Rebecca begins her case.

I notice, not paying much attention to what she is saying, the jury. There are an even number of male and female jurors present. I don't pay much attention at all until I hear my name being called to the stand.

"The Commonwealth calls Beatrice Prior to the stand." Rebecca calls out. "Be brave, Tris." Tobias whispers in my ear as he squeezes my hand and I stand to make my way to the stand. I can hear my heartbeat in my ears and my palms sweat as she ushers me to my seat.

"For the record, please state your name." she instructs me and I feel my breath become heavy as Marcus smirks at me. "Beatrice Grace Prior but I go by Tris." I answer as I'm sworn in. "Thank you. Now, I understand, on the afternoon of November 6th, you were abducted by Mr. Eaton?" she asks.

"Yes, that's correct." I reply. "Thank you. Did you know Mr. Eaton prior to this encounter with him?" she remarks and I answer that I did not. The next question is the hardest though as she asks me to explain what happened from my perspective.

I take a deep breath before answering "That afternoon, I went to my friend Christina's dorm room but she wasn't there. I tried to leave but I felt someone restrain me and cover my mouth as they injected me with something and I fell unconscious." I pause as the memories begin to flood my mind.

"Take your time, Ms. Prior." Rebecca tells me as I prepare to continue. "I woke up alone in a basement with my arms tied behind my back alone when Marcus came down and began to beat me. I also was kicked in the stomach and began to bleed heavily as I was pregnant at the time. Later, I heard Tobias' voice and he carried me upstairs onto a stretcher and I went into an ambulance." I realize I'm panting and crying now as I finish "I was bleeding internally and almost died."

"Thank you, Ms. Prior. No further questions." she quips. "Th defense moves to cross-examine the witness, your honor." says a man in a gray suit with a blue tie. He wears a smug look as I gasp and recognize who he is: Peter Hayes.


	15. Stronger

_**A/N: Hey readers, hope everyone in the U.S. enjoy a wonderful Thanksgiving if you celebrate it and everyone else has had a fabulous weekend so far. I'm hinting at and showing how Tris is reacting to the trauma of what she experienced and hopefully raising some awareness along the way. Enjoy!**_

 _ **Did You Know?**_

At least 1 out of every 10 women lives with Posttraumatic Stress Disorder (PTSD). The number of women to get PTSD is exactly double than men according to statistics.

* * *

Tris' POV

Peter! Of all people, I have to deal with Peter through this nightmare. I struggle to keep my breath even as he begins questioning me. "Ms. Prior, is it true that Mr. Eaton here kidnapped you the afternoon or November 6th?" he asks and I remember to answer matter-of-factly.

"Yes." I respond while trying not to look him in the eyes. "How long have you been dating his son, Tobias or should I call him Four?" he smirks and I feel my blood begin to boil. "Objection!" Rebecca shouts before the judge states "Sustained, please answer the question Ms. Prior." he is a stern-looking man and I fear how he sees me.

Does he see a young, foolish girl? An innocent victim? Or something else entirely? I take a deep breath before I answer "Two years." Peter continues "During this time, did you ever know or personally interact with Mr. Eaton? I understand you used to dance in his dance company, correct?"

I gulp, then answer "I did but I never personally met him as his son, Tobias, had taken over when I joined." Peter paces the room as I answer then returns to questioning me. "I understand as well that you have been in recovery from an eating disorder…" he trails off as Rebecca objects then asks "Relevance, your honor?"

"Establishing a pattern of behavior, sir." Peter says flatly. "Would you say, Ms. Prior, that you are a reckless person?" I am shocked but manage to maintain my composure as I tell him no. "Would you say you have a habit of poor decision-making, Ms. Prior?" which makes me feel angry as well though I try to hide my annoyance as I answer no.

I did not cause this to happen, it was not a choice I made and anyone that does irritates me. "Do you often find yourself in alone and therefore in danger, Ms. Prior?" And again, I answer no even though it's difficult to think or speak through what he's implying.

"No further questions, your honor." he finally says with a note of defeat in his voice. I will not give him or Marcus the satisfaction of winning against me. I cannot. I will not be a helpless victim here.

We break for lunch and I am relieved to be done with my portion of the trial, but I know Tobias still faces his. He walks beside me as we exit the courtroom for now together with our fingers entwined and walk over to a nearby café for lunch.

After we order drinks and wait for our food, an uncomfortable silence surfaces between us. "This is so much harder than I thought it would be but I know we have to. We have to make him pay" I admit. "I know, but you're doing great." he whispers, tucking a stray hair behind my ear.

"It makes me feel so angry to hear Peter try to blame me for what happened, but I won't let him get away with it." I cry angrily. "You're the strongest woman I know, Tris. You know that you're not responsible and Peter as awful as he is, is just trying to do his job in supporting my scum of a father." he replies, making me laugh as he caresses my cheek.

We spend the rest of our time together enjoying lunch and each other's company then walk back together, ready for the day to be over. "The commonwealth calls Tobias Eaton to the stand." Rebecca yells out as we return to the trial.

"Please state your name for the record, Mr. Eaton." she orders. "Tobias Anthony Eaton." he replies. "Thank you, Mr. Eaton. Can you tell us what you experienced the evening of November 6th?" she asks and he nods before replying.

"I was coming back to the dorm late that night as I had stayed longer to work on a group project for my class. I returned to our dorm room and Tris- Beatrice wasn't there. I was alarmed so I went to her friend Christina's room and she wasn't there either. Christina showed me a note written supposedly by Tris but it wasn't her handwriting." he finishes as Rebecca asks "Whose handwriting was it?"

"My father, Marcus'." he answers. "What happened next?" she inquires. "I realized it was my father's and knew he must have taken her somehow so I asked Christina to call the police and I drove over to my father's house. He argued with me and tried to convince me she wasn't there, but then I heard a voice calling out my name and found her in his basement." he responds.

"What was Ms. Prior's condition like when you found her?" she asks while showing pictures taken of Tris taken shortly after her rescue. "She was badly bruised and bloody, pale with a black eye and I didn't know if she was going to make it." he trembles and I can hear the pain in his voice that makes me have to restrain myself from rushing over to comfort him.

Instead, I mouth "I love you" to him and we each stare into each other's eyes for a moment. "The defense wishes to cross-examine the witness." Peter tells the judge as he makes his way over to Tobias.

"Mr. Eaton, would you describe your father as a violent person?" he asks. "Yes." Tobias answers flatly. "Would you care to explain more of why that is?" Peter continues and I glare at him. "My father was very abusive to me as a child. I was repeatedly beat with a belt and sometimes locked in a closet for days at a time as a child for 'my own good'".

Heat fills my cheers and a stray tear rolls down my cheek. The images of Tobias' scars fill the screen next to him and it's hard to imagine that someone as loving and gentle could be treated so poorly.

"Are the scars seen here a result of your father's abuse?" Peter questions him. "Yes." Tobias deadpans. "Why didn't you report the abuse to anyone?" Peter continues. "Because no one believed me when I tried and it just made the beatings worse." Tobias answers which makes me angry, no one deserves to go through something like that especially as a child.

"You said earlier that you rushed over to rescue your girlfriend without wanting for the police, why did you?" Peter chimes. "I was worried that she might be in danger and she was. I couldn't wait to make sure she was safe." Tobias replies before he is released.

The trial ends for the day as we wait for the jury to make a decision. Meanwhile, under Rebecca's encouragement, I prepare a statement to read to the judge before Marcus will hopefully be sentenced.


	16. Scars to Your Beautiful

_**A/N: This is chapter deals with Marcus' sentencing, trauma, and some sexual innuendo but nothing obscene. Enjoy!**_

 _ **Did You Know?**_

A person living with PTSD may enact to be happy and live in denial for several months until the condition gets noticed.

* * *

Tris' POV

Tobias and I return to court the next day to learn the jury's verdict and Marcus' sentencing. I'm nervous but I am also ready for everything to be over. We are both silent as we enter the courtroom, neither one of us prepared for the shock we are about to receive.

Judge Clark prepares to read the jury's verdict. He begins quickly by telling everyone "The jury finds the defendant, Marcus Eaton, guilty on the crimes of kidnapping, aggravated battery, and the assault of a pregnant woman in regards to Ms. Prior. Ms. Prior requests to read a statement before I decide on the defendant's sentencing. You may do so now, Ms. Prior." he finishes and I stand to read the statement I've written.

My heart races and my palms sweat as I prepare to face everyone again. Tobias urges me forward as I rise and begin to speak. "Thank you, your honor. As you all know, the events of November sixth were devastating to me. I found myself trapped in a situation in which I had no control and experienced a great deal of emotional and physical pain." I tremble towards the end, having to pause and catch my breath.

"I never expected to find myself in this situation. I am young, I know that but this situation is likely to affect the rest of my life. Marcus kicked me in the stomach and beat me repeatedly which caused me to bleed internally and rupture the ectopic pregnancy I'd had." I continue then have to stop to breathe and wipe my eyes from the tears that threatens to spill over.

"Because of the condition I was found in, my body went into shock and I was rushed to emergency surgery in which one of my fallopian tubes had to be removed due to the rupture. I may have trouble getting pregnant in the future as a result. I want Marcus to pay for the heartache he has caused. I experience post-traumatic stress because of the experience as well with nightmares and flashbacks that will likely haunt me for years ongoing, please take the impact of this event on my life into account when deciding Mr. Eaton's fate, your honor. Thank you." I finish before taking a seat next to Tobias and resting my head on his chest while he wraps his arms around me.

"In the case of Marcus Eaton vs. the Commonwealth of Illinois, I sentence the defendant to 37 years in prison with four years probation and issue a no-contact order with Beatrice Prior and Tobias Eaton. Court is adjourned, thank you." the judge announces.

I am too stunned to speak. He only gets thirty some odd years for what he's done? To say I don't believe justice was served is an understatement. Tobias ushers me out and we walk towards our car, I enter as he shuts the door next to me.

"I know what we're both thinking so why don't we just say it?" I ask feeling angry and tense. "I know, I can't believe it either. It doesn't seem fair." Tobias murmurs as he begins driving us home. A part of me shatters as I wonder what will be left of me once the anger has gone.

I know that other people probably have it worse off than me. I know that what I went through isn't considered "that bad", but I can't help thinking he deserved more. We drive the rest of the way home in silence, not knowing what to say to the other.

I have to start returning back to my normal life, I know that. I do. We reach the driveway and head inside quietly. I look up to see Tobias looking down from me above. "I'm so sorry, Tris." he whispers before I feel his lips on mine.

It is a kiss of deep longing that leaves me wanting more. He presses me to the wall as we continue kissing and the kisses become longer and hungrier. "We should stop." I gasp but neither of us want to so we continue.

We begin undressing each other as I remove his shirt between kisses as he moved to remove mine. His chest is bare and muscular as I am in my bra alone. He begins kissing down from me shoulder to my stomach when I glance at the ugly patchwork of scars there.

"Don't!" I tell him, pushing him away from me. "What's the matter, Tris?" he asks me in a low, deep voice. "Don't, I'm too ugly. I'm too scarred. I'm not what you want! I'm not pretty, I'm not beautiful or brave or anything else you want right now." I cry out.

"You are. You are to me. That tough, strong girl in the courtroom, that's not you? You are beautiful to me no matter what and I am always going to want you and love you, forever." he says as he pulls my face up to meet his eyes.

His eyes are warm and loving towards me and I find them difficult to look away from. "Okay. I love you." I whisper as he whispers it back to me. "Do you still want me?" I whisper in a soft voice. "Always." he whispers firmly.

"Please, make love to me." I plead and he does. We end later on both panting with sweat and fall asleep in each other's arms. Later, I see Marcus again like he was when I was in the basement with him. I'm alone on the concrete floor with my arms tied behind me as he raises a bell towards me.

"Please. Please don't." I whimper as he begins hitting me with it over and over. "No! No!" I yell as a familiar voice begins calling my name. "Tris. Tris. It's me. Please wake up, wake up. You're having a nightmare." as my eyes flutter open.

"Hey, it's okay." he soothes as he moves a piece of hair out of my eye and kisses my forehead as the tears flow. When will this ever be over?!


	17. Fallen

_**A/N: Hey readers, hope you had a great weekend. I have been enjoying this story so much, it is actually my longest to date. Content warning for this chapter as it mentions suicide, I've also included information on warning signs and crisis lines for support. Enjoy!**_

 _ **Did You Know?**_

Eating disorders have the highest mortality rate of any psychiatric illness. A study in 2003 found that people with Anorexia Nervosa are 56 times more likely to die by suicide.

The following are some of the warning signs that a person may be thinking of suicide:

Having a mental disorder

Previous suicide attempts

Social isolation/withdrawal

Perceiving oneself as a burden to others

A lack of fear about suicide/death

suicidal Ideation (thoughts and planning about suicide)

substance abuse

Purposelessness

Anxiety

Feeling trapped or stuck

Hopelessness

Anger

Recklessness

Mood changes

One or two of these signs may not be cause for concern, but several of them may indicate a problem. If you or a loved one are feeling suicidal, know that there is help! In the U.S., you can call the National Suicide Prevention Hotline 24/7 toll-free at 1-800-273-8255, text Crisis Text Line for free 24/7 help at 741741, Call 911, or go to your nearest emergency room for help. For help in our countries, please visit  . .

Tris' POV

It's been almost a month since Marcus' trial took place and Tobias has been busy prepping for his finals before beginning his online program. I have also been accepted to mine and will start in January. It's the end of November now and I haven't been doing much since I still have to take time to recover from my surgery.

I hate looking at my stomach and the scar I have there. Tobias says he doesn't care but I do. I do because I see it all the time and remember how I ended up with it. I still have the nightmares, panic attacks, and flashbacks often. I still have trouble understanding why Marcus did what he did.

I blame myself for what happened, even though I logically it probably wasn't my fault. Tobias has gone out for a few hours to study with some of his classmates for finals so I am home alone for now. While he's gone, I decide to watch a movie and feel my eyes grow heavy until I fall asleep.

I glance at the clock, worried because Tobias is late getting home. I tell myself that maybe he was stuck in traffic or decided to stay later to study some more, but as the minutes tick by, I become increasingly anxious.

I don't want to be alone, I need him. I need him now. My palms sweat and I can't catch my breath, remembering the last time he left me at home by myself late. I stare expectantly at the door, waiting for him to return.

I sweat in a panic, dialing his phone and texting him but he doesn't answer either. Calm down, I order myself, you're being irrational. It's probably just traffic, you're fine. You're both fine, but I don't believe it. I'm not fine. I'm not okay.

I'm hyperventilating, shaking, and crying by the time Tobias' car pulls into the driveway. He sets foot in the house and I find myself unable to speak. His eyes widen as he catches a glance of me, sitting on the floor across me as he apologizes for being late and tries to calm me.

Once I'm calm, he tries to beckon me to the dining room to eat with him but I don't. I don't do anything, but rock back and forth alone. "Tris, please you need to eat. Did you even eat today?" he asks and I shake my head.

"Tris, you know you have to eat. You have to take care of yourself. If not for you then for me." he tells me and I feel ashamed of what I have put him through. "I can't, it's not that easy for me, Tobias. I know I need to eat, but I can't. I can't do it." I cry. It hasn't been easy lately, it's not as easy as choosing whether or not to eat.

"Then tell me, tell me what it's like then because I'm not going to sit back and watch you try to kill yourself again. I can't." he says harshly and I run to the bathroom, locking the door and crying. If he will give up on me, then why should I keep trying?

I can't. I won't. I see my razor sitting on the edge of the sink and grab it, I slice my thigh until I see bright red liquid begin to drip on the floor. I keep slicing my wrists as well until I am dizzy and feel myself fading.

"Tris, open the door! Please let me in, don't hurt yourself!" he shouts but I am too far gone to answer or to care, seeing the blood pool around me until everything goes black.

Tobias' POV

I kick down the door in time to notice Tris lying in a pool of blood and yell at her to stay with me, but her eyes close as I carry her in my arms to the car. I place her gently in the backseat and drive quickly to the Emergency Room.

I scoop her up carefully and place her on a gurney inside. I feel helpless as I stare at her unconscious body. Why has Tris had to go through so much? It's not fair, I would gladly put myself in her place instead.

She wheeled into a room where the doctors and nurses work feverishly to get her wounds sewn, blood transfusions started, and ask me several questions about what happened, if she has any allergies, and if she had taken anything.

I sit by her bedside after that and she comes to a couple of hours later. "Tobias" she whimpers. "Hey, you're awake." I whisper, moving a strand of hair out of her face. "Don't ever scare me like that again." I tell her, placing a kiss at the top of her head.

A doctor enters the room later and introduces herself as Dr. Grey. Dr. Grey asks Tris several questions about what happened today and tells me she needs to admit Tris for a 72 hour psychiatric hold to make sure she's okay before she returns home.

I leave feeling empty without any real resolution as Dr. Grey says I can visit Tris tomorrow, but she needs to get her admitted and settled in for the night. I give Tris one more kiss before leaving for the night and promising to return in the morning.

I drive home feeling exhausted and worried about how Tris is doing, while beating myself up for what I said to her and not trying harder to ensure she was okay earlier. I know it's not all my fault, but I take it hard knowing that Tris tried to end her life again.

What does this mean for us? What will this mean for our future? Will Tris ever be okay again or has something irreplaceable happened? I ponder this as I head inside our house feeling defeated. I hope this can get some good sleep tonight, knowing that most of her nights are usually plagued by nightmares.


	18. Here Comes the Sun

_**Did You Know?**_

With treatment, 60% of eating disorder sufferers make a full recovery. Only one in ten sufferers will seek and receive treatment. Treatment can be very costly. Residential treatment (where the client lives at the treatment facility) can cost up to $1,000 per day, and monthly expenses range from $25,000 to $50,000 in the U.S.. Many patients require three or more months of treatment, often at a facility far from home. They may need years of follow-up care which many insurance companies deny payment for. The average client with an eating disorder will take about 5 to 7 years to recover.

Tris' POV

I spent the weekend in the hospital psych ward, mostly spending time alone except when there was individual and group therapy. Today is Sunday so I am being discharged to the Renew Center of Chicago where I'll be doing a residential treatment program.

I eat breakfast and get dressed before being transported to the treatment center. The young woman who greets me introduces herself as Lauren with several piercings to her face. The Center is smaller than other places I've been to with only five other clients besides me.

Weekends seem to be more relaxed here with more time for visitors and leisure. Tobias was also notified I'd be here and he meets me shortly after my arrival with some essentials I'll need while I'm here.

We smile at each other and embrace each other in a tight hug. "I've missed you." I murmur into his shoulder and he whispers "I missed you too. I'm glad you're alright." We stand with our foreheads pressed together, still and silent as I stare into his eyes and he stares into mine.

"I don't know how I'm going to be able to be without you. I know I have to but I don't want to and…" I say as my lips crash into his. It gives me the warmth and comfort I've missed along with what I need to get through the coming days and weeks.

"I have something for you." he tells me as he hands me a bag of clothes, underwear, shoes, toiletries, books, an iPod, and boxes of what I assume is jewelry. He also brought my phone, computer, a journal, pictures of us, and my purse. "Thank you!" I beam.

"Open these." he says pressing the long, black boxes into my palm. I open the first one to reveal a necklace with the recovery symbol and a heart and the other as a charm bracelet with a heart, number four, and silver butterfly .

"It's perfect!" I cry. "Now you'll have a piece of me to keep with you, even when I can't be here." he replies and I smile, wrapping my arms around him tight. Inevitably, lunch time begins which means visiting time is over but he promises to visit again next weekend and call me when he can.

Everyone heads to the kitchen as we choose and eat lunch. I meet the other residents here who are Susan, Myra (my roommate), Leah, Shauna, and Rita. Johanna is the head counselor here and she watches us as we eat and practically everything else here.

After lunch, we head to the group therapy room and begin working on journal prompts given to us. Today's topic is what recovery means to you, what life would be like for you without an eating disorder.

I grab the journal Tobias brought for me from the bag and other belongings I left in my room. I return to the group and open the journal when I notice a note he's written to me on the first page. It reads:

 _Dear Tris,_

 _I hope you're doing okay, I wanted to write you a note somewhere you can always see it that tells you how much I love you. You're the bravest and most beautiful girl I've ever met. You can beat this, I know it. I love you so much, more than words can say but I want you to focus on you right now. Don't worry about me, I will wait as long as needed for you. I want you to get better and recover so we can spend the rest of our lives together- happy._

 _Love,_

 _Tobias_

I smile at his note then begin writing as everyone else does. I write-

 _Recovery means freedom to me, it means the power to live my life the way I want without fear, without stress. Not having an eating disorder doesn't mean my life will be perfect by any means, but it would allow me to focus on other things in life I want to do- becoming a nurse, living life with Tobias, and being able to appreciate life._

After journaling, we practice meditation which is a little weird at first but relaxing too. Our group counselor, Danielle, leads us through one where we focus on our breathing and picture a peaceful beach.

After group, we have a quick snack and free time until dinner. I decide to go to my room and unpack, putting my clothes away in the dresser. I put the pictures Tobias brought me of us up over my bed with tape.

Myra doesn't talk much so I decide to go to the living room and lounge comfortably on the couch with my laptop sitting on my legs. I check my email and send messages to Tobias and Christina about how much I miss them already.

Later, we have dinner then community group where everyone introduces themselves and talks about different issues they've had during the week. Most of the other girls also have anorexia though Leah and Rita have bulimia.

I don't pay much attention though as the others complain about various problems with roommates or therapists and such. Recreation group involves board games, foosball, and table hockey.

I play hockey with Susan and find myself actually enjoying it. I haven't been totally sure of this place yet, but it might be okay.

Maybe this time I can recover for good.


	19. Wrecking Ball

**_A/N: Hey readers, TGIF! I'm officially on winter break now so I'm hoping to be able to write/update more. Enjoy!_**

 _Did_ _ **You Know?**_

Facing fear or challenge foods are an important part of eating disorder recovery. It's important to do so in order to help clients begin to normalize their eating habits.

Tris' POV

I wake early at 7 AM for my weight and vital signs taken. I frown slightly as I learn all weights are blind here, so I won't know how much I weigh or how much weight I've gained. I guesstimate that I've lost at least twenty pounds if not more and will have to regain it.

We all head to breakfast afterwards where I get an idea of what the day we will be like: Equine therapy, snack, interpersonal process group, lunch, individual therapy, snack again, break, dinner, body image group, dinner, free/phone time, showers, and bed. It all looks and sounds pretty overwhelming to me right now to do so much during the day, especially as at home I don't ever seem to do this much.

Home. It makes me long to see Tobias, to be with him. I know I can't right now, that I have to do this but it doesn't make it any easier to. I am nervous and excited to find out about equine therapy though, I've never ridden a horse before.

After about it million pages signed, I'm cleared to ride and participate. A ranch hand named Clara helps me find a helmet and a saddle. I choose to ride an older Palomino horse called Sunny with a beautiful golden coat.

I climb onto his back carefully then start riding him, bridal in hand. My individual therapist greets me and walks alongside me as I ride. "Hi Beatrice, my name is Morgan and I will be your therapist here." she greets and I smile slightly.

"Hi, I go by Tris, by the way. It's nice to meet you." I reply. "Ho are you liking it here?" she asks. "S far it's okay, it's hard to be away from home." I answer. "I know and it will get easier, this place is brand new to you right now so just try to give it a little time." she smiles.

Once the initial fear goes away, I find that I do like horseback riding. It makes me feel powerful to be in control of something, to be able to go as fast or slow as I want. When we finish, Morgan asks what riding a horse felt like for me. "Terrifying, at first." I laugh "Bu amazing too, to feel in control."

Morning snack includes some of what they call "challenge" foods like cupcakes, cookies, chips, and soda. We have to choose at least one item and a soda. I end up choosing a cupcake, but regret not picking chips or something else.

The sweetness of the cake combined with the frosting is almost unbearably sweet. It's difficult to not think about the amount of sugar and calories it contains, but with the support of the others who are also dealing with this I finish it. I chose a Dr. Pepper to drink with it as well that tastes incredibly sweet. I gulp it down quickly.

A feeling of wanting to purge everything I have just eaten surfaces and I feel uncomfortable. In interpersonal process group, the other girls share how snack was difficult for them and the uncomfortable feeling they had too. Learning how to cope when you feel uncomfortable is an important thing for us to learn Johanna tells us.

She leads the group in a discussion of how our negative body images and eating disorders have affected ourselves and our loved ones. Susan speaks first and replies "It makes me not like myself and hard for me to understand what others see as good."

"Good! What about you, Tris?" she mutters. "It makes it hard for me to understand why my boyfriend sees me as beautiful when I feel ugly." I reply, heat rising in my cheeks. Johanna then asks everyone to practice in their journals disputing the negative views of ourselves.

I draw a divide a notebook page into two sections with one for negative thoughts and another for positive ones. I write "I am fat and ugly" next to "I don't see myself as others see me but I am working on it". I've generated a list of about seven other items like this when we break for lunch.

I'm faced with another challenge for lunch as Susan tells me Mondays are usually reserved for food challenges. There's a greasy looking pepperoni pizza, cheesy breadsticks with marinara sauce, and brownies. I have to eat two pieces of pizza, a breadstick, and a brownie according to the card with my name on it.

I take a deep breath and shove a bite of pizza in my mouth. I finish the meal but feel uncomfortably gassy and bloated afterward. We each break away from the group as it's time for individual therapy and I sit in Morgan's office.

"So Tris, for our first session, I just want us to get to know each other." she tells me though I don't know what she means. "Like what?" I ask. "Like what brings you here, what you want to work on while your here, your friends, your family." she trails off as I feel some anger rise up inside me.

"You want to know me? Fine. My family is dead, I killed them. I might end up killing my boyfriend too. My boyfriend's dad kidnapped me. I was pregnant and lost the baby. My own brother won't even speak to me because he thinks I'm responsible for my parents' deaths." I choke out as tears threaten to spill over.

"I tried to kill myself. I couldn't take the nightmares and everything anymore. I couldn't eat. My boyfriend loves me, but he couldn't understand why I can't just eat. He says I'm beautiful, but I'm not." I finish. "So can you help me with that? Because I don't know what it will take to feel like myself again." I yell.

Surprisingly, Morgan is silent and I worry I might have offended her with my outburst.


	20. You Learn

_**Hi readers, hope you had a great weekend! I decided to add a bit of drama so there is a huge plot twist coming up in the next chapter. Enjoy!**_

 _ **Did You Know?**_

90% of those who have Anorexia Nervosa are young females with an average age of onset of 17 years old though men and older women can have the disorder as well.

Tris' POV

I can tell Morgan thinks carefully before she decides to speak "That's certainly a lot for anyone to deal with and we will work on helping you find ways to deal with them." she tells me as we spend the hour discussing everything and how I have dealt with it so far.

Later, we have another snack which includes chips and candy bars. I decide to eat a small bag of chips though I find it difficult to not look at or think about the calories I'm eating. After snack, we have free time so I decide to check my email.

I have emails from both Christina and Tobias. Christina says she hopes I'm doing well and that she misses me white Tobias hopes I'll call him when I can. Dinner turns out to be the most challenging of all as we're served chicken carbonara which has pasta, bacon, mushrooms, and onions with lots of creamy sauce, garlic bread, side salad with croutons, parmesan cheese, and Caesar dressing, and chocolate frosted cake with a large glass of milk.

I decide to tackle the salad first since even though it's topped with the Caesar dressing, it's still a salad and hopefully not too bad. I finish it quickly and drink some of the milk, then move on to the bread and the pasta.

The pasta is tough to eat especially with its creamy sauce. It takes me a lot of effort to finish, but I manage to finish it all until I have only cake and milk remaining. I stare at the cake, feeling conflicted. I've eaten so much already today I don't want to eat more, but I need to.

I tentatively cut a bite of cake and begin eating it. It's sweet, so sweet that it's hard to continue eating but I do as fast as I can to rid myself of the taste then finish the milk. I'm feeling full and uncomfortable as we head into another group.

Carla, the counselor who leads the group asks each of us to tell some of the thoughts we had while eating dinner tonight. I tell her "I felt fat and uncomfortable, like wanting to purge everything I ate. I couldn't stop thinking about the calories I had eaten. I felt sick."

She praises me for sharing so openly and asks me what I could think about instead. I respond with "I am working on my recovery. It's okay to challenge myself and sometimes working towards recovery can be very uncomfortable."

Carla gives us each a worksheet to do about what foods we fear or that are challenging for us to complete and we are released for free time. I head to the phone station and dial Tobias' number. My heart skips as I listen to the phone ring and wait for him to answer.

"Tris?" he asks. "Tobias." I whisper, relieved to hear his voice. "How are you? I've missed you." he murmurs and I smile. "Eating, going to group, you know the usual." I grin. We talk about how my treatment has been going and how he is along with some small talk.

Three Weeks Later

Tris' POV

I've gotten used to the routine here: Waking up early, groups, eating, and free time. Today is Thanksgiving and even though I can't be home, the staff is preparing a Thanksgiving lunch for us that we're allowed to invite family members to.

Tobias isn't technically family, but since I don't have much of anyone else he can come. Caleb is supposed to come too. We eat breakfast and morning snack before heading into group. We learn about ACCEPTS which is a way to deal with stress.

ACCEPTS means Activities, Contributing, Comparisons, Emotions, Push away, Thoughts, and Sensation. Basically, each letter is an active way we can deal with problems before we can resolve them.

After group, we head to the dining room where I see Tobias, handsome as ever in formal clothes, and my brother. "Hi." I say to both of them, feeling tense. "Hello Beatrice." Caleb replies before we all sit down to eat.

The awkwardness luckily soon fades as Caleb apologizes for the way he's treated me and we talk about life in an almost normal way. After lunch, we hug and he promises to write and visit when we can. He works in Chicago in a research lab where he's currently studying eating disorders.

I smile, proud of what he's trying to do to help people. Tobias grins at me and I find my lips on his as I'm wrapped in his warm embrace. "I wish we were alone." he whispers in my ear. "I almost always wish that." I murmur before pulling his mouth to mine.

"I love you. Wait for me?" I murmur. "Always." he answers as we break apart and he kisses my forehead before leaving. It's been hard to be away from him. I get to write, call, and visit him but it isn't the same as actually being there with him.

Morgan thinks that I should be able to be home by Christmas though so I don't have too much longer to wait. After I leave residential treatment, I'll return for extended partial hospitalization treatment about six weeks then typical six hour partial for a month, intensive outpatient for a month, and finally back to outpatient therapy one to two times a week.

It's going to take a long time for me to recover and finish treatment but I know I have to. I want to, especially if it means that I have a chance of a normal life.

The next day, Caleb returns for a family therapy session with me while shakes me to my core. What he tells me makes me question everything that I have ever known.


	21. Love the Way You Lie

_**Did You Know?**_

About half of anorexia patients have comorbid anxiety disorders, and about 33-50% of anorexia patients have a comorbid mood disorder. It's important that it patient receive treatment for an eating disorder and any other comorbid mental health disorders at the same time to ensure a successful recovery.

Tris' POV

Caleb greets me before sittings down to begin a family therapy session with me. He asks if he can tell me something important first and we agree though I have no idea what it could be. "Tris, I'm really sorry I didn't text you this before but mom and dad made me promise I wouldn't unless you asked." he pauses before continuing.

"We are brother and sister and always will be but we aren't blood related." he tells me and I am shocked as I ask "What do you mean? That's impossible!" I exclaim. "No, not impossible. Just unexpected. Let me explain."

I wait patiently as he tells me about how he was adopted from a family where the mother died shortly after he was born. Her name was Evelyn and the father is unknown. Our mom and dad raised him as their own son.

Then, once he feels I've digested everything, he tells me one more thing I find shocking. "Beatrice, my last name isn't Prior like yours'. It's Eaton, Tobias and I are half brothers." I stammer as I did not expect this at all.

My mind struggles to process this. I have so many questions but I cannot bring myself to ask them. I am dumbstruck. How did I not know? Does Tobias know? To our parents' credit, we look remarkably similar with the same set jaw, lanky body types, and height.

Caleb Eaton. The same line name as my tormentor and my lover. Did my parents change his last name when they adopted him? They must have because I never knew we had different last names, let alone DNA.

We take a few moments to process everything before I begin asking questions. "When did you know?" I ask, curiously. "Only a couple years ago when I needed my birth certificate for school. They told me one afternoon when you were at dance."

I picture my parents gathered in the living room with Caleb as they shared a secret only the three of them were entitled to know. What had that conversation been like? How well did I actually know my own parents?

"Does Tobias or anyone else know?" I murmur. "No, you're the only other person who does." he answers plainly. I ca take anymore for now and rush out even as Caleb yells for me to wait. "You're not really my brother, remember?" I shout.

I know I'm not being fair; that he didn't really have a choice in this but neither have I. I go to the phone, knowing it isn't my usual time to but I only want to talk to one person right now and that is Tobias.

I shakily dial his number and wait as the phone rings in my ear. "Tris?" he asks and I laugh "No, it's your other girlfriend whose adopted brother is your half brother." "What? What are you talking about?" he demands to know and I can tell by his reaction that he has not known either.

"Turns out we share a little more family tree than I thought." I answer back and tell him what Caleb has told me. "Wow, I had no idea. Eaton? Are you sure?" he asks in disbelief. "I know, right?" I giggle.

"I just thought you should know too and I needed to hear your voice. I'm not really supposed to be on the phone right now so I better go for now, _Tobias_ Eaton." I smirk. "Okay, goodbye for now Tris Prior." he says before hanging up.

I am frozen into silence after I hang up the phone. I'm unable to think or to move, a perfect statue as I try to process what I've learned. My brother no longer feels like my brother. He's half-related to my boyfriend and I had no idea of either until today.

Susan finds me a little while later and ushers me into the kitchen where we are having cooking group. Johanna and Morgan instruct each of us to perform a specific task as everyone is working to make pans of brownies.

Susan and I work together to mix together the brownie mixes together, adding and measuring the different ingredients together. We work in synchronous harmony, not talking much but focusing on the task at hand.

We pour the mixes into the greased pans and Johanna puts them in the oven. We are released for free time until they are finished baking. I sit quietly, not wanting to talk or interact with anyone yet as I still don't know how I feel right now.

What I do know, however, is how badly I miss Tobias. I know I'll see him tomorrow because of the weekend but it feels like an eternity right now. Does he think of me as often as I think of him? Does he miss me like I miss him?

We eat the brownies and milk for snack then have art therapy group. Cameron, our group leader, has spread several old magazines, newspapers, poster boards, glitter, glue, scissors, and other craft supplies out at tables throughout the room for us to make collages to inspire us of things important to our recoveries.

I'm not sure what to do at first, but I soon find myself enjoying collage-making. By the end, I am covered in glitter, glue, and laughing hysterically. Maybe life can be enjoyable again, I just have to allow myself to let go and enjoy it.


	22. Have Yourself A Merry Little Christmas

_**A/N: Hey readers, hope you're having a great day! I had some extra time so I decided to write and post this chapter. Happy holidays to you all. It has fluff and a cliffhanger/plot twist at the end. Enjoy!**_

 _ **Did You Know?**_

It is estimated that around 30 percent of eating disorder sufferers have been the victim of some form of trauma at some point in their lives.

Three Weeks Later

It's Christmas Eve and I am excitedly looking forward to going home today. The support from the staff and other patients here has been amazing but I am also so ready to go home with Tobias. In fact, there's nothing more than a want for Christmas than to be with him.

I finish packing and take one last look at the room and the bed I've slept in for about a month. It looks empty besides the other bed that Myra still occupies. I carry my bags and sit on a bench in the foyer, waiting for Tobias to arrive.

Within about fifteen minutes, I see his car pull up and my heart skips a beat as he walks through the door. "Hello stranger, ready to go home?" he smirks. I nod enthusiastically as he takes my hand and carries my bag in the other as we make our way to the car.

He puts down my bag and opens the car door for me as I climb inside. "Well, aren't you a gentleman!" I joke as he enters the driver's side. "I aim to please." he replies as he begins driving. It feels surreal to be leaving, but I am happy at the same time.

We pull into the driveway and I enter the house excitedly. It looks like some as before with the exception of a large, decorated Christmas tree near the living room window. Multi colored lights with white tinsel and a plethora of ornaments don the tree, it's beautiful.

"When did you put this up?" I ask him while gently touching the branches and ornaments. "Last night, I wanted our first Christmas together to be special." he answers. "It's beautiful!" I beam. "There's one last ornament I left for you to put up." he tells me, handing me a small glass heart shaped ornament with a picture of us inside.

"Thank you, I love it." I tell him, giving him a kiss on the cheek. My lips quickly find his and I am pulled into a passionate kiss full of love and longing. It's the kind of kiss that leaves you breathless and wanting more.

We break apart and decide to eat lunch then watch a movie together after. While Tobias is cooking lunch, I retrieve my bag and pull out the presents I have bought for him and place it under the tree.

It's a grey v-neck wool sweater with cologne and a pair of dark wash jeans. The other is a tablet so he can do work on the go with noise cancelling headphones. I hope he will like it. He calls me for lunch as it's done and we spend time catching up with each other.

After lunch, we watch an old Christmas movie and cuddle together on the couch. It's quiet and simple. Peaceful as I lay my head on his chest and he wraps an arm around me, kissing my forehead.

I fall asleep quickly, comfortable and warm in his arms. I wake later to find myself in our bed with streaks of sunlight trickling in. "Good morning, sleeping beauty." he teases as I enter the living room. "What time is it?"

"Nine o'clock, you slept all afternoon and night. You looked so peaceful so I just let you sleep. Merry Christmas!" he says. "Do you want to eat or open presents first?" he asks me and I vote to open presents first

"Okay, but you have to open one from me first." he orders and I giggle as he hands me a wrapped small box. He looks at me strangely as I begin opening it to reveal a small black, plush box. I open it to find a shimmering diamond ring.

As I taken in the sight of it, he taken the box from me and drops down to one knee. Oh wow, oh is this what I think it is? Is this really happening? I'm stunned as he begins to speak "Beatrice Elizabeth Prior, you are the bravest and most beautiful girl I have ever met. I love you and I always will, will you marry me?"

I laugh and tears of happiness fill my eyes as I yell "Yes! Yes, absolutely. I love you too." wrapping my arms around him. He slides the ring onto my finger and our lips crash, wrapped in a deep kiss.

"I love you so much, Tobias." I tell him and he replies "I love you too. I can't wait for us to start building our future together." We then move to opening other presents from each other and I have a white sweater dress, knee high boots, and earrings.

None of these gifts are as good as the other I have gotten: the opportunity to marry and spend the rest of my life together with Tobias. I picture walking down the aisle and marrying him, having kids, and growing old together.

I'm still young and want to finish nursing school before getting married but I am excited by the prospect of getting married. I do wish my parents could be here for it, to have my father walk me down the aisle, for my mom to be there to help me get ready.

I'm lost in thought until I notice my phone rings and the person calling shocks me. I see the name on the caller ID and I don't know what to think. The name calling me is mom. It can't be her though, she's dead.

What does this mean? What should I do? I scream loud enough to startle Tobias. He comes running toward me and asks "Tris, what's wrong?" and I am unable to answer so I hold my phone up in response and see his eyes widen as well.


	23. Mother and Child Reunion

_**A/N: Happy holidays, readers! I hope you enjoy this chapter, the next chapter has some sweet FourTris fluff. Enjoy!**_

 _ **Did You Know?**_

An important part of eating disorder recovery is to help a patient learn to identify triggers and ways to cope with them.

Tris' POV

My hands are shaking as I answer the phone. "Hello?" I ask, trying to keep my voice even. "Beatrice, it's me." the voice on the phone replies and it's hard to believe it is actually my mom. "Mom, is it you? How? You were…" I say still in disbelief and my mom asks me to meet her and my dad at a coffee shop in an hour.

"It's her, it's really her. I don't understand why though, she's supposed to be dead. I mean, I went to her funeral. It doesn't make any sense." I mutter. "I have to meet her somewhere in an hour, will you go with me?" I ask and Tobias nods before enveloping me in his arms.

"Whatever it is, we're in this together I promise." he says as he kisses my forehead and ushers me into our bedroom to get ready. As I get dressed, I wonder if they will see me as I was or if I have already begun to look different from before.

I also wonder what you say to someone you thought was dead for two and a half years. I feel in disbelief. Is this really happening? What happened to them? Where have they been? I have so many questions going through my mind right now.

I finish getting ready and Tobias and I head out to meet my parents. Part of me wonders if this is a prank until I see a flash of someone with my mom's hair and face enters. She's pale and thin with a baseball cap covering her head.

Gone are my father's broad shoulders as well as he joins us at a table. "What happened to you guys?" I ask unsure of what to think. My mother asks me to be patient as she explains that they were in a car accident but rather than going to the hospital, they were taken to a place called the Bureau of Genetic Warfare by a man named David.

While in the Bureau which is on the outskirts of Chicago, they were experimented on, beaten, tortured, and starved. My mom pauses to ensure I understand before continuing. My mother had worked with David in her teens and they were used to test medicines and other substances called serums.

People like my mother are able to resist serums which can induce anything from a simulation of one's fears to torture. They are called Divergent. This morning, the people guarding my parents were gone so they were able to escape and contact me.

It's a lot to take in but I am happy they are still alive. David also managed to succeed in making lifelike replicas of their bodies for the funeral so everyone would think they were dead. My eyes brim with tears in not knowing they were still alive.

"I love you." I reply and my mother reaches out her hand to me and I gently squeeze it. "Does Caleb know? I know we aren't related, but you are all still my family." I smile. My mother sees the ring on my finger and nods then asks me about it.

We decide to drive home so that everyone can relax and get reacquainted with each other. Once we're home, my father calls Caleb and my mother pulls me aside. "You are living with Four now?" she asks and I nod then she continues "Are you happy?" I smile and nod as she pulls me into a tight embrace.

"He proposed to me this morning and I was so sad you and dad wouldn't be there for the wedding." I beam. She smiles too as she replies "We'll be there!" We continue talking and I tell her about how I am studying to become a nurse and what she's missed over the past few years.

Caleb joins us later and the day is perfect with my family and fiancé. I couldn't ask for anything better. My parents decide to stay in a nearby towns hotel so Tobias and I drive them there. "Thank you for spending the day with us." My mom mutters.

"You're welcome, I've missed you guys so much. I'm sorry for what you've both been through." I reply. After we drop them off, we meet Will and Christina out for dinner at a local steakhouse. It's crowded when we arrive so we ask to be seated in a booth near the back.

Once we're seated, I'm across from Christina when she grabs my hand and gasps as she takes in the ring on my finger. "Is that what I think it is?" she asks, staring at me in awes. "Yes." I answer and she squeals excitedly.

We order drinks and look through the menus though I don't know what to order. The portions look so big and trying not to look at the calorie could of everything is overwhelming to me. Tobias notices this and makes suggestions for me as of what to order.

I decide to order an eight ounce parmesan cheese crusted sirloin steak which comes with a baked potato, and side salad with ranch dressing. The meal arrives and looks delicious but I have trouble trying to eat so much in front of other people even if I do know them well.

I finish the steak then move on to the potato which is full of butter, cheese, sour cream, and bacon. I drink between bites and try to keep myself distracted, but it's too much and I can't finish it. I run to the bathroom, make sure no else is inside, and purge everything from my stomach.

I find Tobias and tell him I'm not feeling well so we can leave right after. He obliges but seems on to me during the ride home. "You aren't really sick, are you Tris?" he asks with an air of suspicion in his voice.

"No, I wasn't. I made myself sick. It was too much for me. I thought I could handle it but I couldn't." He nods and asks me to tell him next time so he can help me when I feel overwhelmed and to avoid purging.


	24. White Wedding

_**A/N: Hey readers, hope you enjoy this chapter. I used some of the lyrics seen in italics here from the song "Perfect" by Ed Sheeran but I don't own them or Divergent. Enjoy!**_

 _ **Did You Know?**_

While many experts disagree on what constitutes eating disorder recovery, it is generally thought that eating disorder recovery consists of physical, behavioral, and psychological recovery. A full year without engaging in disordered behaviors like purging is thought to be a major indicator of recovery.

Eight Months Later

Tris' POV

I've been in recovery for six months now and have not purged since that night at the steakhouse. I graduated nursing school two months ago and have been working in the NICU at the Children's Hospital I used to volunteer at. I love working with the babies and then parents and watching them grow and progress from the tiny, sick preemies they once were.

My birthday was three months ago in June and I am 19 now. Today is an even bigger day though- it's my wedding day. It's September so we're having our wedding and reception at a gorgeous apple orchard called Amity Farms.

I'm in a simple strapless Ivory, lace dress that falls just above my ankles with a pair of white flats. My hair is in a simple bun with a short veil that goes to my shoulders and a floral barrette in my hair Christina has done my makeup, fulfilling her maid-of-honor duties well.

I take a deep breath, preparing to walk down the aisle where my mom, Christina, Myra, and Susan await along with Tobias, Caleb, and Zeke, his best man await. My father reaches my side and I lace my arm with his. I meet Tobias' eyes and I reach the altar as my father leaves me to stand near my mother.

The priest is Susan's father, Robert, who guides us through the vows as we slip the wedding rings on each other's fingers. "Tobias Nathaniel Eaton, do you take this woman to be your lawfully wedded wife? To love and cherish as long as you both shall live?" he asks and Tobias answers "I do." as he lovingly stares into my eyes.

"Do you Beatrice Elizabeth Prior, take this man to be your lawfully wedded husband? To love and cherish as long as you both shall live?" Robert asks me and I answer "I do." before he says "You are now pronounced husband and wife. You may kiss the bride."

Tobias pushes the veil away from my face before planting a kiss on my lips. We walk hand in hand to the reception area where the music for our first dance begins. It's a slow, sweet, and romantic song we picked out.

We hold each other and sway as the music plays and I mutter "I love you." and he replies "I love you too." _I found a love for me, Darling, just dive right in and follow my lead, Well, I found a girl, beautiful and sweet._

"It's true." he whispers in my ear and I laugh as he twirls me. _Oh, I never knew you were the someone waiting for me, 'Cause we were just kids when we fell in love. Not knowing what it was, I will not give you up this time._

"You do look perfect tonight, you know." he says and "You don't look bad yourself." I tease. He does look rather handsome in a tux. _But darling, just kiss me slow, Your heart is all I own, And in your eyes you're holding mine._

Everyone cheers as we finish our first dance. We spend the rest of the night talking, dancing, cutting cake, and just enjoying being a young couple in love. After everyone leaves, we ride over to a beautiful, secluded cabin we have rented for the week.

Tobias scoops me up and insists on carrying me inside. While he does, I take in the beautiful, rustic space with a huge open kitchen, a cozy sitting area, bathroom, and large bedroom where he gently places me on the bed.

"We're alone now." he whispers in my ear and I giggle. "We are. What should we do now?" I tease. "Oh, I can then of a few things." he grins, kissing my hand. He helps me to wiggle out of my dress and I put my hair down.

We're locked in a deep kiss as I wrap my arms around him. We break away breathless and take our time getting lost in each other. I wake the next morning wrapped in his arms. "Good morning, Mr. Eaton." I mutter as he kisses my forehead "Good morning, Mrs. Eaton." he answers back.

As I get dressed, he heads into the kitchen where I smell the scent of pancakes and bacon cooking. "Mmm, smells good." I murmur and we enjoy our first breakfast together as a married couple. We finish breakfast and Tobias tells me he has things planned for us to do today.

We head into the car and pull up to a horse stable where we both climb onto a horse. Tobias has never ridden a horse before and it's somewhat comical to watch him climb onto one but he gets used to it quickly.

I haven't rode a horse since I was in treatment last but it's breathtaking to. I find myself smiling and laughing as the horse trots from the speed and the feeling of wind in my hair. We finish riding and drive to a state park where we eat a picnic lunch Tobias has packed.

"This is perfect, thank you!" I beam, placing a kiss on his cheek. "You're welcome. Want to go on a hike with me on the trails?" he asks and I nod enthusiastically. We hike until we are at the top of a hill and the sun begins to set.

We sit next to each other and I lay my head on his chest as we sit and watch the sunset for a few minutes together. He wraps an arm around me and we sit in comfortable silence. "We better climb down before it gets dark." he says and we break apart to begin the hike back.

We arrive back at the cabin and decide to watch an old movie together called The Notebook. It's a sweet romantic movie we watch as I lay my head in his lap. When the movie ends, we decide to order pizza for the night and watch another movie Crazy, Stupid, Love.

Is this what married life is like? The love you have for each other, the time you enjoy together, everything?


	25. Love Story

_**A/N: Hey readers, happy new year! Hope you had a great holiday and like this chapter. Enjoy!**_

 _ **Did You Know?**_

Women who reported having an eating disorder in the present or past were more than twice as likely to have received treatment to help them conceive.

Six Months Later

Tris' POV

Tobias and I have been pretty happy together and I have managed to maintain my recovery this time, hopefully for good. We have been trying to have a baby for six months now but haven't had any luck. We visited the fertility doctor a couple of days ago to begin the process of In-Vitro Fertilization (IVF) as I might have a harder time getting pregnant due to only having one fallopian tube and my eating disorder history.

I have to inject myself with the drugs used about three times a day and there are three different drugs used so it's nine times a day but I go for the egg retrieval tomorrow. The treatment isn't cheap but luckily we were able to use some of the money Marcus had to pay in retribution for it.

Today, I'm working at the NICU on a set of twins born at 30 weeks. They are tiny, yet doing pretty well as they only have needed oxygen to help them breathe after quickly weaning off ventilators and CPAPs. They will still be here awhile and I predict they'll have a long road ahead of them but I feel confident they will make it.

I've only seen their mother, a tired looking woman named Rena, a handful of times as she lives three hours north of the hospital and her two years old son Ryan briefly. I can't imagine how hard it must be to live so far away from where your other children live and not be able to visit often.

As there doesn't seem to be much else going on, I take a few minutes to chart and have a small snack while I do. My mind shifts to tomorrow when they will do my egg retrieval which involves minor surgery where a needle gets stuck through my hips to get them. Sounds fun, right?

Other than work, I hate hospitals. Well, being a patient anyway but I know it's necessary. Besides, if these tiny babies can go through so much then I can deal with this. I glance across the room at another baby we have here and feel my heart break for her.

Nicole, here not because she's a preemies but because she has Neonatal Abstinence Syndrome which is a nicer way of saying her mother took drugs while she was pregnant with Nicole and Nicole was born addicted. Heroin, I've heard the other nurses say.

I did hold a baby like her when I volunteered and I have seen a few others like her but even only hours old, her whole body shook (a true sign of how much heroin her mother took as the severity is directly related) and she had to be sedated.

I shake my head as I finish charting and give report to the other nurse coming on shift. I have to stop eating at midnight since they're doing the retrieval tomorrow and I'll have to be anesthetized for that so Tobias has promised to make us something special for dinner tonight.

When I open the front door, I'm greeted by the warm, slightly spicy smell of Mexican food: chicken enchiladas and refried beans. "Hi" I mutter softly. "Hey yourself." he replies before removing a glass dish from the oven and setting it on the counter.

He comes over to me so that his lips are on mine. We both stand silently as we grin and take in the sight of each other. "I thought I was the one who was supposed to do the cooking." I murmur. "Of course not especially with what you have to do tomorrow for our future-hope-to-be children. Besides, you were out working hard and on your feet all day."

"Not all day." I began to argue when he pulls a chair out for me and motions for me to sit. He returns a moment later with forks and plates along with a small container of the beans. I take a bite of the enchiladas first and they are perfect with the abundance of cheese and sauce.

"This is delicious. Thank you for cooking." I tell him. "You're welcome. I'm glad you like them." he says in response. I have trouble sleeping later on, tossing and turning as I worry about what happens if I don't have enough eggs or don't become pregnant or miscarry.

We have to wake early in time to be at the hospital anyway so I grab some clothes and get dressed while trying to be careful not to wake Tobias. I get a look at myself in the mirror, the person I see looks like me but she does not look nineteen years old.

She looks older, tired, rough for 19. Annoyingly, my stomach grumbles and I'm hungry but I can't eat yet obviously. Tobias gets up a short time later and we leave for the hospital. I'm nervous and excited as it's one more step we'll have completed through the process.

I change into the awful hospital gown I'm given to wear and our fertility doctor, Dr. Morris and the anesthesiologist join us. Dr. Morris explains that the procedure should be quick and will hopefully produce the eggs we need to begin an IVF cycle.

I hold Tobias' hand as they begin to wheel me into the operating room and he has to let go. "Think pregnant thoughts!" he yells back at me and I giggle. They move me onto the operating table and give me anesthesia.

I take one last look around the room before everything goes black. I wake groggily to the sound of a heart monitor beeping. I search the room and find Tobias sitting near my bed, his piercing blue eyes grabbing my attention instantly.

"Hi" I whisper, my throat feeling dry and rough. "Hello, my sleeping beauty." he grins. "They were able to get ten eggs from you and I contributed my part this morning too so somewhere in a lab, our future hope-to-be kids are growing." he tells me.


	26. All That She Wants

_**Did You Know?**_

The average cost for one in vitro fertilization (IVF) cycle is $12,000 and is typically not covered by insurance.

Tris' POV

A few hours after the procedure, we're cleared to go home where I'm ordered to take it easy the rest of the day but I should be fine to return to work tomorrow. Tobias has also takers the day off so we're free to spend some together.

Once I find a comfortable spot and take the medications I've been given and ibuprofen, Tobias brings me a popsicle and some juice while I think of a movie to watch. I finish eating then curl up and lay my head in his lap. We decide to watch an older movie called The Fault in Our Stars.

It's a sad, romantic movie and the main character, Hazel, Tobias says looks like me. Towards the end, Augustus Waters, who Hazel loves dies. The moment chokes me up and I find my cheeks feeling wet. "Damn hormones." I mutter and he chuckles.

It's true though, the hormones. I've started taking them to prepare for when I am impregnated but they aren't fun. They sometimes cause mood swings or me to be emotional. In about three days, the embryos created will be ready to be implanted into me and I will hopefully become pregnant thereafter.

After the embryo transfer, I'll have to take a pregnancy test and find out whether the first cycle worked or whether we'll have to try again. Trying to get pregnant has been a challenge especially when you work in the NICU and see babies all the time and want nothing more than to have your own.

It also isn't easy to see the things that happen when babies are born early or with birth defects or to fear having a child with an eating disorder as well. Isn't that what everyone is afraid of, though? Becoming like your parents?

It's a lot to think about right now and soon, I find my eyes growing heavy and I have trouble keeping them open. "Tobias." I whimper "I'm tired." He kisses my forehead then scoops me up into his arms as he carries me towards the bedroom but I close my eyes before we get there.

I find myself in a peaceful dream where I see a little girl who looks about three years old laughing and running in a grassy meadow. She has golden curls and beautiful blue eyes while a little boy the same age has short brown hair and gray eyes. He looks almost like a miniature version of Caleb.

Our kids. I see myself and Tobias with the kids, perfect and happy. Maybe I'll get my own fairy tale ending after all. I'm still feeling happy when I wake and find myself wrapped in Tobias' arms. "Good afternoon, sleepyhead." he teases before planting his lips on mine.

"Good afternoon to you too." I reply, before becoming locked in a kiss. It's full of warmth and love and the kind that leaves you wanting more. We decide to get up and have a simple dinner or roasted chicken breasts, green beans, and mashed potatoes.

It's a simple meal so I don't mind to help, I open the can of green beans and peel potatoes while Tobias defrosts the chicken and begins cooking it. We work in perfect silent, synchronous harmony. It's one of the first meals we have cooked together and I love it.

I love not having to be afraid of food anymore or to cook freely without thinking of the calories in the food I'm preparing. Not having to try to keep a secret, not purging. In every treatment center I've ever been to, they've talked about recovery and what life in recovery feels like.

What they talk about and what it feels like to actually live it are two different things I've realized. And it's work, it's not easy but it's worth it. That's the other thing they talk about is working towards recovery because it has to be something you want and not for anyone else. I want this.

I want more years of cooking dinner together, NICU nursing, kids, and whatever life happens in between. I want life and after a long time, it's beginning to look good again. It is good again. I turn my attention back to the potatoes that I started boiling and grab the pot off the stovetop to cool.

The green beans are finished and the chicken is nearly done so I go about setting the table. We eat shortly after and I'm grateful to have a "normal" day with my husband. It's quiet and peaceful and I love it. I love spending time with him and thinking about our future together.

A future together that I hope has the two kids I dreamt about in it. We finish dinner and I help wash the dishes when I suddenly feel a splash of water and find Tobias holding the sprayer. "Tobias!" I laugh as I run over to the freezer and grab some ice cubes that I throw at his chest.

He continues spraying me with water as I laugh and run behind the couch to hide and shield myself. "Think I can't get you there, blondie?" he asks and I run to the sprayer and aim it at him. We are both soaked and laughing hysterically at the end.

"I surrender!" he cries as our lips meet. "That was so hot." he admits and I smirk. "Nothing's hotter than you." "Mmm, I disagree." he murmurs in my ear. "No, I disagree. Could you be any less hot especially when you're drenched in water?" I tell him and he smirks back.

I wrap my arms around his neck and pull him to me as we're lost in another heated moment. We move to the couch and Tobias holds me in his arms. He's strong which what I need right now to convince myself we will be okay.

Five days from now, we will begin our journey to start a family. I want this more than anything, thinking of what I saw in my dream. I know it was a dream, but I'd do anything to live it. I'll try anything to. I'll get there, I'm determined to.


	27. Baby Love

_**Did You Know?**_

1 in 8 couples (or 12% of married women) have trouble getting pregnant or sustaining a pregnancy.

Two Weeks Later

Tris' POV

We did the embryo transfer a couple weeks ago and I have begun to show the classic signs of pregnancy: nausea, mood swings, fatigue, and cravings. I have a pregnancy test to take but I won't. I'm nervous for what it will say: that I am pregnant in which I would worry about miscarrying or that I'm not pregnant and we will have to try again.

I hold the box of the test in my hand, conflicted as I want to know but also not wanting to know. Do I take it? Do I wait? I'm contemplating the answer when another wave of nausea comes over me and I run to the toilet where I vomit abruptly.

I feel a hand rubbing my back and holding my hair away from my face. I look up to see Tobias staring back at me. I wipe my mouth and rise to find him holding the box of the test I left at the sink. "Are you ever going to take it? I know you've had it for a couple of days now, at least." he says.

"I'm scared." I murmur softly. "I can't do it. I don't want to know." He looks at me curiously "Why not?" he asks. "Because if I'm not pregnant, then the IVF didn't work and we have to try again. If I am pregnant, I'm worried about miscarrying again or whatever else could go wrong." I cry.

"Tris, I'm scared too but we can face this together, right? I'm going to leave now to let you take the test and I will in the living room to wait with you. We'll handle whatever it is together." he tells me and I feel somewhat relieved. I take a deep breath once he's left the room and open the box.

Shakily, I take the test and place it on the sink for the five minute wait. I exit the bathroom and join Tobias on the couch to wait for what feels like the longest five minutes ever. It feels like an eternity, but I survive and walk to the bathroom to find out the answer.

We reach the sink and I look at the test I hold in my hand. It has the one word answer we've been waiting for: Pregnant. Pregnant? I am pregnant? This doesn't seem real, but the test is undeniable.

"Oh my god! Oh my god! Tobias! I'm pregnant! We're going to have a baby." I yell, throwing my arms around Tobias' neck. I immediately call my OB and make an appointment for this afternoon to confirm everything. Is this really happening?

We arrive at the doctor's office later that afternoon where they take a blood sample and decide to do an ultrasound. "Hi, I'm Dr. Klein, I hear you think you may be pregnant?" the young, brunette doctor asks and I nod.

"Okay, lie on the table and we will do the ultrasound." she instructs then places some cold jelly on my stomach as she moves the wand around. "It looks like you are, indeed, pregnant. There's your baby. And oh, here's another one. You're having twins. Congratulations." she announces.

Twins? There are two? Maybe there is something to my dream after all. I have to return to the clinic in about a month and begin taking prenatal vitamins. I'm feeling happy and light that it's actually happening. This is real.

When we return home, I decide to call my mom and Christina with the news. I call my mom first and wait as the phone rings. "Tris, is everything okay?" she asks worriedly. "Mom, I'm pregnant. We're having twins!" I beam.

"That's wonderful, I can't wait to be a grandma and I'm sure your father will be excited as well." she answers as we continue talking for awhile about everything. Next, I call Christina. "Hi." I say shyly. "Tris? Hey, how are you?" she asks and I chuckle "I'm great. I'm pregnant with twins."

"Oh my god, I'm so I excited for you and to be an auntie. We need to go shopping for baby and maternity clothes, and the nursery, and a baby shower." she trails off and I laugh. "It's only been two weeks, it seems a little soon." I reply, shaking my head.

"I know, but we should later on." she says and I reluctantly agree. When I told Christina I was engaged, she wanted to start planning the wedding right away right down to the flowers we had. I guess special occasions are her thing and what she likes to be involved in even months before.

I hang up and decide to lay on the couch to rest, nervous and excited for whatever lies ahead of us. We're going to have a family together, two kids. Two babies. Two of everything I suspect. I wonder what their genders will be and what their personalities will be like.

We'll have to wait eight and a half months to find out. What will we be like as parents? What will Tobias be like as a dad? I know that he is afraid of becoming like his father, but the man I see is the exact opposite of that.

He is warm and loving. Sweet. I have no doubt he will be great and I hope I am too. I hope I will be half as good if not more than my mother was when we were growing up. I know Tobias really wants a girl to have a daughter that looks like me, but I also want a boy that looks like him.

Maybe, we'll get lucky and have a boy and a girl. Or maybe they will be two girls or two boys. Who knows? We have a future to look forward to as parents. We're both ready now. We've finished school and both have good jobs, a house, and a marriage.

We have my parents and my brother to help us. We have each other. We have everything except the children we've been waiting for, but we shouldn't have to wait too much longer to have everything we want.

We will have to paint and decorate a nursery at some point like Christina suggested, but not yet. Not yet. We have time to enjoy the moment and anticipate a future together. No, we have all the time in the world for that.


	28. Un-Break My Heart

_**A/N: Hey readers, I apologize for not updating sooner! I have chosen to feature congenital heart defects in this chapter in order to help rains awareness of them. I have tried to research as much as possible so accurate info is given. I've also listed some baby names I'm considering for the twins and would love to hear your favorites and ideas. I try to correct and assume there aren't any spelling errors and such in the chapters but I don't always catch 'em. If you'd like to volunteer to beta, I'd be happy to have you. Enjoy!**_

 _ **Did You Know?**_

Twins are more likely to develop a congenital heart defect than babies from other single (1 child) pregnancies.

Three and A Half Months Later

Tris' POV

I'm finally in my second trimester, finished with the awful morning sickness I've had for a couple months now. Today, I have an appointment with my OB, Dr. Miller, to find out the gender of the twins. Tobias is joining me today too.

We enter the clinic hand-in-hand and wait nervous and excited for my appointment. A nurse leads us into an exam room where I hop up on the table and pull my shirt up to expose my belly. Dr. Miller greets us then goes about moving the probe around to look at the twins.

My eyes begin to water as I listen to their heartbeats and Tobias' eyes are glued to the screen like my own. "Twin A is a boy, congratulations!" Dr. Miller beams. She's an aged woman, about mid-fifties with stunning red hair and green eyes.

She begins looking at the baby's anatomy, muttering softly to herself. "Tris, I don't want you to panic but I think you should see a specialist because I'm concerned about what I'm seeing right now." she tells me and I immediately feel my eyes widen.

Cardiac, there's something wrong with my son's heart? I'm stunned, unable to respond at all. "I'm not an expert in this, but I'm concerned the twins may have heart defects. I'm so sorry, I know this isn't what you were expecting to hear today."

Tears form in my eyes as my mind begins to process the news, both of our babies are in jeopardy now. "It's not fair." I mutter as Tobias moves closer to me and smooths my hair down. Being a nurse, I've cared for babies with heart defects before/

Those babies can be some of the sickest with risks of infections and several surgeries needed. Their families must handle devastating problems that can require years of treatments and surgeries to fix and now, we might be one of those families with two children who have these defects.

No, not yet. We don't know anything yet, but I can't help mind from going back to that place. Tobias holds my hand and whispers soothing words into my ear. The doctor finishes the ultrasound and we leave quietly, unsure of what to say or how to comfort the other.

When I arrive home, I call and make the appointment for the specialist to see tomorrow. It's a small comfort that they are at the same hospital I work at. I want to give birth there in the suite I know is for moms with babies who are expected to have problems after birth, where I know the NICU staff that will likely be caring for our babies.

Familiarity is what I need right now. We should tell our friends and family about the news but we are both emotionally exhausted. I look at Tobias and see my own pain and worry reflected there. His voice sounds strained as he speaks "I'm not going to leave you or them, no matter what happens. They're going to need us both." he trembles, reading my mind.

"I love you." I reply, wrapping my arms around him. "Oh." I mumble, feeling my stomach flutter as I bring his hand to my stomach. "They're both going to be fine, they're tough just like their mother." he says as I press my lips to his.

We spend the rest of the evening laying on the couch together, discussing names and the nursery and everything else to think about instead for now. I like the names Wyatt and Audrey, Sasha and Owen, or Owen and Hazel but Tobias likes Aiden and Enya, Owen and Louise, or Eliza and Micah.

Each name means something fiery, warrior, or blessed by God which we agree are good meanings to have and carry with them. They will need their strength and so will we. Later, I fall into a deep sleep unable to handle the events of the day any longer.

I rise slowly the next morning and get dressed as Tobias showers. We drive to the hospital where I am slow to enter, thinking of what could be wrong but Tobias helps press me forward and sit in the waiting room.

One of the nurses calls my name and we enter an exam room where they will do a fetal echocardiogram and I try to calm myself as I lay on the table, pulling my shirt up to reveal my growing stomach.

The doctor who introduces herself as Dr. Smith enters the room and uses a high resolution ultrasound in order to get a view of the babies' hearts. Tears fill my eyes as I look at the picture of the boy's heart. The doctor herself confirms it: hypoplastic left heart syndrome.

With the syndrome, several areas of the left side of the heart aren't fully developed. I know from what I have learned in nursing school is that he will need surgery soon after birth then two more surgeries over time to try to repair the defect.

The doctor then moves to the girl. She has an Atrial Septal Defect which is a large hole in the top two chambers of her heart. It isn't as severe as her brother's defect, but she will also need heart surgery shortly after the surgery to repair the hole.

The doctor leaves the room as my thoughts begin to race. The thought of both our babies needing surgery so soon in their lives is terrifying. What if we lose one of them? What if both of them don't make it? I'm panicked and suddenly feel like I can't breathe. I can't get enough air.

"Tobias! Tobias, I can't breathe!" I wheeze. "Tris, it's okay. Look at me, we're gonna be okay. I'm here for you, anything you need." he says calmly. "Will you hold me?" I ask and I move over toward him as he holds me to his chest.

The feeling of his warmth and the sound of his heartbeat soothe me as the tears begin to fall. "I'm scared." I admit, "I don't want them to have to go through so much." "I know, I'm scared too." he replies, kissing my forehead.


	29. Unexpected Song

_**Did You Know?**_

Nearly 1 in 100 babies are born with a heart defect in the United States each year.

Tris' POV

Three Months Later

It's been about three months since we found about the twins' heart defects. It's hard not to blame myself but truth be told, we don't know what caused the defects. Tobias and I have decided on the names Owen Andrew and Enya Natalie.

I'm in my seventh month now, but I still worry they will be born early especially based on what I've seen from working in the NICU. I'm planning to continue working unit I am about eight months along though I can take off earlier or later if need be.

I'm finishing up charting on a patient when my worst fear surfaces: My water breaks and I feel contractions begin to increase. I've been feeling contractions for about an hour, but I assumed they were braxton-hicks and not real ones yet they are growing in intensity. I let my supervisor know and limp over to the high-risk maternity unit across from the NICU.

"Hi, I'm Beatrice Prior. I'm 28 weeks with twins and my water just broke. I'm having contractions." I groan as I verify my information then am shown to a room where I'm asked to change into a gown.

I manage to change quickly and fish my cell phone out of my pants pocket. My fingers don't seem to work like I want, but I manage to dial Tobias' number. "T-T-Tobias, I need you." I stutter. "Tris, what's wrong? Where are you?" he asks and I can hear the concern in his voice.

"I'm at work, my water broke and I started having contractions and they are becoming more intense. I checked into the maternity unit across from the NICU. Third floor and room 311, please hurry!" I yell. "Okay, I'm coming. Hold tight, okay?" he says before we say I love you and we hang up.

The doctor examines me and has the nurse start an IV so I can receive Magnesium Sulfate, a drug used to help stop contractions and a sterols to help speed the twins' lung development. Tobias arrives a short time later.

"Hey." he says softly. "Hey, thanks for coming." I pant. The sulfate and other drugs they try do not stop the contractions so they decide to let nature take its course. I try to remember to breathe and am allowed to get up and walk around for a bit so I do.

I grip the railing on the wall as another contraction rips through me and I cry out. Tobias helps support my other shoulder and rubs circles into my back. I still have several hours to go before they will be here, but I worry about the babies.

"It's too early! I know it's better than other times they could come, but what are we going to do? They can't come now, they can't." I pant hysterically. "I know, but I don't think we have much choice. We can do this." Tobias tells me.

I hope he's right. In my head, I review what I know about preemies born at 28 weeks: Babies born at 28 weeks are still considered very premature. They have a 95% chance of survival at 28 weeks. They usually require a ventilator to help with breathing, need to fed through a tube or IV, and cannot keep themselves warm. They are small obviously and typically weigh a little over two pounds and spend a significant amount of time in the NICU which about three or four months.

Twelve hours later, I am finally dilated enough to start pushing. Tobias wipes the beads of sweat from my forehead and gives me a quick kiss before I start pushing. I scream in pain as I do what the doctor asks, but I continue on.

"Breathe, you can do this. I know you can." Tobias encourages and I take his hand in mine as I continue. "It's a girl!" the doctor announces before she hands Enya off to the NICU transport team.

Next, I deliver Owen then fall backward, exhausted. I know I probably won't be allowed to see either of the babies for at least a few hours as the NICU team works on stabilizing them. In some ways, it's a blessing and a curse to be a NICU nurse myself.

On one hand, it's comforting to know so much about preemies but on the other it is scary knowing what could go wrong. I'm exhausted so I decide to try to sleep for a couple of hours, knowing I'll probably have to wait anyway.

I wake a few hours later and stand to make it into the wheelchair provided for me. A feeling of anxiety and fear along with a strong need to be with our babies washes over me as Tobias helps push me toward the NICU.

I know what to expect when I come in to work, what my patients are dealing with and feel in control of the situation. Here, I have none. I don't know what to expect, I don't have control of what I will see. We stop at Enya's incubator first where all we can see is a tiny body filled with tubes and wires covering it.

Her eyes are fused shut and will be for several more weeks, but she has my hair. A soft, golden mess of curls don her head. With permission, I reach in and hold her tiny hand that grips my finger. She's two pounds, four ounces right now and only hours old of course. They're waiting until she has grown a bit more before they will operate on her heart.

We move away from her hesitantly to visit Owen. Tomorrow, they are planning to perform the hybrid procedure he needs for his heart as the condition is more severe. Later on, he will need two more surgery spaced throughout his young life at about eight months old (timing adjusted based on his prematurity) and again sometime when he is a toddler. He will always need to be monitored closely even after that and be at risk for heart failure.

I'm transferred to a regular postpartum room on the maternity unit which makes having babies in the NICU harder. I have to see healthy moms and babies spending time together which feels like a punch in the gut. Moms with healthy babies they have the opportunity to hold and feed right away which doesn't seem fair.

Tobias and I return to the NICU where there is a quiet area away from the overwhelming maternity unit. I feel the need to say something, but I can't seem to find the words. Instead, I rise to sit next to him and lay my head on his chest as he wraps an arm around me, kissing the top of my head and pulling me close to him.


	30. Never Too Late

_**A/N: I have referenced briefly a wonderful resource for families with critically ill children in the form of organizations like the Ronald McDonald House which does so internationally to help keep families close. I encourage everyone reading to think about becoming involved, you can do things as simple as cleaning or cooking a meal or simple snack to help families anywhere you are. Enjoy!**_

 _ **Did You Know?**_

Congenital heart defects (CHDs) are the most common type of birth defect.

Tris' POV

Today is Owen's surgery and I am headed to the NICU to visit him before the procedure. I know as a nurse that it isn't a very long surgery, about an hour, but it's still scary to think about a child so young undergoing any type of heart surgery especially a preemie.

Today, he will have a stent implanted to help his blood flow easier and reduce the strain on his heart and lungs. Meanwhile, they are also contemplating when and how to operate on Enya as well. Cardiac catheterization or open heart surgery could be used to close the hole in her heart, but they want her to grow and become a bit stronger before they do.

Owen's nurse checks his IV then tells us to say our goodbyes for now. Tobias and I whisper softly that we love him and will see him soon before he is wheeled away, incubator and all. I pace back and forth from where he was and Tobias stops me.

"Tris, stop. We need to go back to your room and sleep, maybe eat something later. It won't do either of us any good to not take care of ourselves too." Tobias prods me and I nod. We both have barely eaten or slept the past few days and I am exhausted so I hesitantly agree.

I reach my room and collapse on the bed into a deep sleep. I see myself and Tobias standing near Owen's incubator where he lies motionless, dead. A hand covers my mouth and I wake up drenched in sweat, screaming.

"Tris! Tris! Wake up, it's okay." Tobias whispers into my ear and I begin shaking and crying as he pulls me into his chest. "Shh, it's okay. It's okay." he repeats soothingly. When I have calmed down, he asks "Do you want to talk about it?" and I shake my head.

"I need to go see him. I need to go see him now." I answer and Tobias nods. "He should be out of surgery now, let's go." he replies softly. I swing my legs over the bed and Tobias helps pull me up gently. I grasp his hand and hold it like a lifeline, afraid and unwilling to let go.

We walk over to the NICU where Enya is resting peacefully and see Owen. His pulse and oxygen saturation seem much better and I let out a sigh of relief. Both our children are fighters, they will be okay I remind myself.

Later, I am cleared to be discharged from the maternity unit. Tobias wants to go home, but I feel uneasy about leaving and being apart from the babies especially when things can change so quickly with preemies.

We decide to stay at a nearby facility for families with ill children that is about a mile away from the hospital so that we can be close and have a comfortable place for now. The facility has a fully stocked kitchen, a room for us with a queen bed and shared bathroom, cozy living room, and computer lab.

Dinner is provided for us and I realize I have neglected telling everyone else what is happening so I call our friends and family to tell them. My parents offer to bring us food and visit the babies tomorrow which sounds nice so I agree.

Christina offers to buy baby clothes and supplies as well as decorate the nursery for us since we did not have time to finish it. I laugh knowing how much Christina loves shopping and will probably buy enough for ten babies but I agree of course.

I spend the rest of the evening stretched out on a couch in the living room, my head on Tobias' chest as I listen occasionally to the television drone on. It feels like a taste of normalcy, almost like home. It is crazy to think about what we all have been through the past few days as the rest of the world continues without us.

I think of Enya and Owen and what their future may hold. Will being born so early and small affect the rest of their lives? What will life be like when they leave the NICU? Will I always be so fearful of what could happen or will that fade?

I've worked with other preemies before of course but it feels different when they are mine. It's different when they are yours, when it's someone you personally care about. Will going back to work be tough because of it? I do not know the answers and that is the hardest feeling I'm wrestling with.

Eventually, I surrender and decide to go to bed for the night. I wake feeling rested while Tobias and I eat a quick breakfast before returning to the hospital. The fear and anxiety over our kids hasn't left me, even when I know they are doing well and that they are likely to be okay.

Each nurse briefs me on how the babies are doing and I am somewhat relieved when I learn they are doing okay. Stable vitals, no major changes. Enya no longer requires this ventilator so she is on oxygen instead, but I know preemies can change quickly and at a moment's notice.

Owen is still on the ventilator as he is still recovering from the procedure, but doing well otherwise. It is only later that something unexpected happens that shows Enya isn't fully in the clear.

My eyes shift to the monitor near her isolette. Her heart rises which is when the alarm beeps and her oxygen saturation plummets. I am terrified and helpless as the medical staff tries to get her breathing again and watch closely, unable to look away.

"We need to get her upstairs, stat!" I hear one of them shout as she's wheeled away, one person bagging her off to the side as they race out of the room. One of the nurses finds us and has us sign a consent form. I feel it lump in my throat form as I see the words "open heart surgery" and realize what they intend to do.

I quickly sign the form and try to stay calm as my own heart races.


	31. Again

**_A/N: Hey readers, hope you have been enjoying this fic as much as I have. This chapter uses some of the lyrics from Again by Flyleaf, quotes from Insurgent and Allegiant, and a reference to The Fault in Our Stars but I don't own any of it. Enjoy!_**

 _ **Did You Know?**_

About 1 in 4 babies born with a heart defect has a critical CHD (also known as critical congenital heart disease). Babies with a critical CHD need surgery or other procedures in the first year of life.

Again

Tris' POV

I'm pacing and unable to stay still as we wait to hear how Enya is doing. It's only been two hours with another two they estimate the surgery will take. I've eaten, I'm not calm enough to try to sleep. Too restless.

"Sit." Tobias orders. I sit in the chair next to him, but I feel unable to think or catch my breath. My palms sweat as the possibilities of the outcomes of surgery. I can't breathe. My heart pounds and I feel jittery and dizzy.

I'm hyperventilating and start to feel like I might pass out. Tobias notices and asks me to try to breathe with him as he whispers in my ear the lyrics of an old song that helps calm me. "I love the way that your heart breaks. With every injustice and deadly fate, Praying it all will be new, And living like it all depends on you.'

He continues with "Here you are down on your knees again, Trying to find air to breathe again, And only surrender will help you now, I love you please see and believe again." It's perfect and seems to represent how we help each other in our relationship.

He grabs his phone and plays the rest of the song for me. "Thank you." I say relieved and thankful to have such an amazing partner to help me through this. My parents want to see the babies later as well, but will do so tomorrow in order to let all of us rest and recover.

Two more hours later and Enya is officially out of surgery. They were successfully able to sew the hole shut and she should be fine in a few days. Neither of the twins are healthy enough for me to hold them yet and Enya is placed on a ventilator temporarily as she recovers.

The next two months will be critical for both babies in growing and any potential complications from their early births that may arise. When everything is quiet and the immediate crises are over, I turn my attention back to Tobias.

I have discovered recently that no matter how long you try to learn how to be brave, you never know if they are or not until something real happens. You never know until you are tested and right now, I feel that we both are going through that.

"How are we going to do this? I don't know if I can, I don't want to lose them and I don't want to lose you." I whisper. "You are not going to lose me and I am not going to lose you either. I can't. I won't. We're alright, you know? You and me. Okay? Nothing else is but we are." he replies and I feel myself fall more in love with him even more.

"Okay." is all I breathe as he wipes a stray tear away and kisses my cheek. I love him, I have but the feeling of the love from him intensifies in that moment that I can't explain. My love for him has grown throughout the years, slowly like you fail asleep and then, all at once.

I stay with him because I choose to, every day that I wake up, I choose him over and over again, and he chooses me too. I am his, and he is mine. I know that much is true. Is this what it will be like with our children someday too? I wonder about the people they will grow to be and the family we will grow into.

"I love you." I murmur softly. "Say it again."  
"Tobias," I repeat, "I love you." He presses his face to my neck and kisses me right above the collarbone, my cheek, and my lips. "I love you, too," he answers.

The rest of the afternoon and night proceed quietly with no changes, good or bad, from either of the babies so Tobias makes me return to the place we're staying across the street to eat and get some time away from the NICU.

I know I shouldn't, but I always feel guilty and nervous about leaving them. I know we are close and can come back in minutes should we need to, yet something tugs at me to feel the need to stay and not to leave. It is unnatural, I suppose, for a mother to be away from her children that we must defy.

It goes against instinct, it defies nature and it's something I must do everyday. It is not how having a family is supposed to begin, it is not what I wanted for them but there's nothing to do about it other than accept it and continue to try to be there.

I heard someone describe that having children is like having to live with your heart outside your body. I think back to that now and understand the truth behind it. If it is in fact true, it explains what I am going through with my heart split in two.

I also read somewhere once that truth has a way of changing people's plans. All of our plans have been disrupted in a way that no one had the opportunity to prepare for. I have been surprised especially after having been a NICU nurse how you can't plan for anything to happen, you just have to deal with it however you can.

Life can change in a matter of minutes, good or bad, and you can only take it as it comes. You take it, you do it, you live. This is what I think about before I prepare for bed for the night, tired, nervous, and happy.

"Don't worry, Tris. Sleep," he says. "I'll fight the bad dreams off if they come to get you.." which makes me laugh before I ask "How?" "With my bare hands, obviously." he answers and I chuckle as he pulls me into his arms and kisses the top of my head.


	32. HappyEpilogue

_**A/N: I just wanted to thank everyone for reading and reviewing this fic. It has been an amazing ride and the longest fic I've written to date. I have a couple other AU ideas that I will be working on soon. Enjoy and thank you for reading, I hope you learned a lot by reading!**_

 _ **Did You Know?**_

By the age of two, a preemie's development will often even out with their peers, and their actual birth date can be used to measure their growth and development.

Tris' POV

It's been 96 days since the twins were born and began their stay in the NICU. In 96 days, I have been drained physically and emotionally, the twins each had a heart surgery, and they weaned from a ventilator to a CPAP to oxygen to room air. They have learned how to tolerate feedings going first through IV to NG tube to orally. They each gained at least two pounds, small but it's a huge milestone for them and today is the biggest one yet: Going home!

They each passed their carseat tests yesterday, haven't had any apnea spells in weeks, and manage to maintain their temperatures independently without any trouble. After one final check and some discharge paperwork, they are ours to take home.

Carrying the carseat with Enya while Tobias has Owen feels surreal. As we load them into the car and drive away, it feels like a dream. We have two healthy babies now that we can hold, change, and feed anytime we want. No more tubes, no more monitors, we are free.

As we pull into the driveway, I notice there are several cars parked in our driveway and on the street. We open the door and the house is dark until the lights turn back on and a large crowd of our family and friends jump out and yell "Surprise!"

My mom rushes over as I set Enya's carseat down and Tobias does the same to Owen's. She pulls me into a hug and I notice a large banner that says "Welcome Home!" has been posted along with balloons and gifts everywhere.

Tobias and I sit and open several gifts for the babies from everyone as Christina tells me they decided to do a welcome home party since we didn't get to have a baby shower. I'll always be nervous about the future, but for now everything feels perfect and I couldn't ask for everything more.

Five Years Later

Today is the twins' fifth birthday. It's hard to believe that just five years ago, they were such fragile and tiny babies but you wouldn't know it by looking at them. Owen finished the final stage of the reconstructive surgery for his heart and Enya has been happy and healthy since she left the NICU.

My parents still visit a lot and sometimes take the twins for the weekend. They love to spoil them any chance they get. Tobias and I remain very much in love and our bond has only gotten stronger over the years.

I still work as a NICU nurse, now with a greater understanding and appreciation of everything we do there. The twins' photo is posted on the board we keep of our former patients and they continue to amaze me everyday.

Enya has lived up to her name by becoming a little spitfire. She's strong, sassy, and outspoken while her brother is quiet and sweet. Caleb has been a proud uncle as well and is expecting his first child soon with his wife, Cara, that he met through work.

The future is still unexpected and I doubt that I will ever be 100% happy and content, but I've accepted it. Enya looks like my double with blonde hair and blue eyes while Owen seems to look like Tobias.

Tobias still works in IT but has a good job. We still have challenges we face together, but we always get through it and come out stronger from it. Tobias and I recently started the process of ICF again and I am expecting a girl this summer.

Both the kids are excited to have a new sibling. Enya is excited to have a sister and be a big sister while Owen is somewhat disappointed that it's not a boy but promises to be a good big brother to her.

They do not have any effects from being born prematurely and continue growing every day. They have successfully graduated from the NICU follow-up clinic though we still go to the holiday parties and picnics every year.

Turning five is a big milestone for them that we are preparing to have a party for today. They are both intelligent and love school so they seem to be excited for that the most. This leads to what will be our next challenge: Kindergarten.


End file.
